The letter
by bohena
Summary: working on an ending...
1. Chapter 1 the Bauer 4th of July picnic

**Combination of letters 1, 2 & 3….**

Due to a space issue in Fan Fiction, I found that I can only have 15 chapters. In order to be able to continue writing, I find myself combining chapters. I've also begun editing this work. It seems when I get excited about a story, my writing takes a nose dive. This is the first I've written fiction, so bear with me.

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It took several weeks for Rafe to adjust to his mother's new relationship with Olivia Finally, after listening to Frank and watching the women together, he understood what his mother must have felt for her. It was neither an "itch to scratch" nor a fleeting flirtation; he could see that his mother was truly in love and happy. Because of his contempt for the relationship, his mother had started to sneak around with Olivia, meeting her in clandestine places, trying not to let him or others see them together. He felt disgraced by her not-so-secret affair, but he was also intrigued by how much his mother had changed from what he knew of her and the lengths she would go to, to be with Olivia. It had been just over a year since Gus had died and this was the first time, in a long while, that she appeared happy. Seeing the smile that crossed her face every time she "accidentally" ran into Olivia, made him feel guilty and conscious of the fact that he was primarily the reason they snuck around town.

Finally, one day he cornered his mother and questioned her. "Ma, where are you going this late in the evening? Don't you have to be up early for work tomorrow?"

"I need to go out and get a few things at the store. I'll only be a little while," was her reply.

He looked into her eyes with his, revealing that he knew she was lying to him. "I'll go with you. It's too late to go by yourself."

Stuttering a little, she replied, "I'll…I'll manage, Rafe. Really, you won't even notice I'm gone. I'll be 15 to 20 minutes."

He took a step toward her and looked directly into her eyes, "Are you going to meet up with her?" he finally asked.

Immediately her looked away, and she bit down on her upper lip. "Yes," she quietly acknowledged. "I plan to meet Olivia." She looked guilty, as if caught in a trap with nowhere to go.

Rafe placed one of his hands on her shoulder, and moved his other hand to her cheek, gently repositioning her head so that they looked into each other's eyes. "It's ok," he said. "I think I understand how you feel, and I hope that this relationship makes you happy. It's ok. I guess I was disturbed at first because it seemed perverted and against everything I was taught. I've come to realize and learn that you love her and she loves you, and that can't be all bad. I love you and want you to be happy."

Natalia had tears in her eyes. "Oh, Rafe!" was all she could say at first, as she grabbed a hold of him and brought him into a bear hug. "I love you too! I will always love you, but my heart has a lot of room in it…for other people…not just you and your Dad. I am in love with Olivia, and I love her daughter, Emma as if she was my own daughter. I don't know how it happened or why, I just know that we were meant to be together, all of us."

With this admission, the sneaking around stopped. Olivia and Emma were invited to visit the farmhouse for picnics and movie night. Though it was a little awkward at first, Rafe began to enjoy catching the two women smile at lovingly each other or seeing them try, undetected, to casually touch one another. They were discrete, but if one watched them long enough, it was obvious what they were doing.

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Olivia and Natalia were now free to be with one another. They, and their children, became a family and decided to accept the invitation to the Bauer's 4th of July Picnic. Olivia and Natalia were both floored by the fact that they were listed on the same invitation to the festivities. It was the first public acknowledgment that they were together as a couple.

It was a grand ole time! Playing games with Emma and the other children, eating great food, and reminiscing over cocktails and apple pie. The family seemed to glow as they celebrated the day. Liv and Nat happily watched their children play; Emma was showing Rafe how to make snow angles in the grass, and he seemed more than happy to be her big brother. What fun! What bliss! Liv and Nat were beginning to notice that they had held hands and smiled all day long. Happiness was in the air, and they had all come down with a severe case of it.

Soon things in their happy world would forever change. Frank Cooper, who was going to avoid going to the Bauer barbeque, decided to come to the party at the last minute. He had said that he had other plans, wanting to spend some time catching up on old police files, but here, unexpectedly, he showed up at the picnic with a tired looking, drawn face. As he entered the back yard, he looked for Natalia, and when he spotted her, he strode to her and handed her a letter. "I stopped by the farm to see if Rafe wanted to go for a run, and a messenger had just delivered this letter. I figured I could find both of you here," he said, nodding to Olivia, but then he continued "And figured it might be important, so I brought it with me."

Nat opened the letter and began to silently read. Eventually she looked up at Olivia with the strangest looking, dumbfounded face. She re-read the letter and turned away from the onlookers, realizing that everyone had stopped to see what was in the special delivery that Frank brought to the party.

The arm holding the letter dropped to one side. She slowly turned to Olivia with tears building up in her eyes and shook her head. "It can't be," was all she said before the color drained from her face and she fainted, falling to the grassy surface.

When she woke up, she was on the couch, inside the living room of the Bauer house, with Rick Bauer kneeling at her side. He asked the others to give her some space and then asked her how she was feeling. She felt water rolling down her face and her hair was wet. Someone had splashed her with a drink in an attempt to rouse her. In her hand, she clung to the letter.

"I'm alright!" she gasped as she tried to lift her head.

"Steady! You just fainted." returned Frank as he took a step toward the couch.

Olivia, Emma, and Rafe stood in the corner of the living room with fearful looks on their faces.

"I'm ok, really! I just felt a little weak." She looked over to Emma, who was crying from the frightful experience of seeing her other mommy fall to the ground. "I'm ok, honey," she smiled. Natalia lifted her body up into a sitting position. "Can everyone just go back to the picnic, please?" she pleaded. She looked at Olivia with an almost sorry look and said once more, "I'm ok. I must not have eaten enough."

When everyone left the room, Olivia asked Frank to watch Emma, and she and Rafe moved to the couch. Both could tell something in the letter caused her to collapse. Olivia looked into her eyes and reached for her hand. She held it gently, rubbing the top of Natalia's hand with her thumb. "What is it?" she asked.

Feeling the letter in her hand, her gaze once more returned to it. She opened it up once again and stared at it. "It…It said that Nick, Gus, is alive…it says that he's been undercover for a year, that he had to fake his own death so he could work on some diamond caper in San Crystobal." She could hardly believe what she had just said.

Rafe reached for the letter, asking "Is this a joke?" And then began to read the content. His mouth moved as he read but nothing was uttered.

Olivia was next "Honey, how can this be? I have his heart. There's no way he survived the accident. This has got to be a mistake…or a cruel, cruel joke" and then her voice trailed off. "But of course, this is Springfield and it always seems like people are dead and then they reappear when it's inconvenient…May I read the letter?" she asked.

As she read it out loud, the others began to audibly cry.

"Natalia, This letter is going to startle you at first, and I'm extremely sorry for that, but I am alive and well in Japan. I decided to write a letter to you, to break the news, because I thought it would be easier than listening to a phone call. Besides, I wanted you to be able to inspect my words, and know that they were from me.

I had to fake my own death, and go under cover in order to investigate a series of jewelry smuggling rings in San Crystalbol. I had to loose my identity in order to infiltrate a group that orchestrated the stealing of the crown jewels. Honey, truly I'm ok, and am hoping to bring both you to Japan for the honeymoon we never had. I hope you are well and that Rafe is OK. I miss you both terribly and have arranged for you, my wife and my son, to join me. I feel just awful that I had to do what I did, but it was the only way to rid myself of any identity. The tickets for your plane can be picked up at the airport; they are open-ended first class tickets, so you can leave when you wish, but I am hopeful you will be on the next plane that leaves. I would return to you, but I need to rebuild my identity and prove that I am living. Please forgive me and please come back to me. Your Husband, Gus"

Olivia looked up from the letter towards Natalia. "This has got to be a fake. They said at the hospital that I had his heart. They said he was dead!" She was worrying now, as the realization began to occur to her that she might loose the woman she loved. "It's not possible true! It can't be!"

Natalia looked back at her, into her green eyes and replied, "Anything is possible. Look at us."

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Olivia was thinking at them. Thinking of them. Wondering if this would be the end of her and Natalia. How could this letter be from Gus? He died right after the motorcycle accident, and his heart had been transplanted into her chest. There was no way that he could have faked something so incredible and involving so many people! This wasn't Hollywood! Why would you ever put your family through something like this? For diamonds?!!!!! No one is that selfish! And even if he was able to get away with it, what an incredible and insensitive jerk! Natalia should boot his sorry ass to the side of the curb! So many thoughts ran through her head at that moment that she just sat there, speechless with the others. Her mouth hung open as she contemplated what to say or do next.

Rafe was the first to react, "Ma, we've got to go, pack, and get on a plane!"

"Rafe, neither of us have a passport! Besides, I think we need to check into this to make sure it is from Gus and not some cruel joke. And…" she looked at the ground, "I'm not sure how I feel about it…."

"What?!! It's your husband and my father!" he gasped. "Not sure how you feel about it? Are you thinking of her? Of Olivia?" He made a scornful look at the woman sitting next to his mother. "Come on! This is the love of your life! Your husband! My father!" he repeated. "You've got to snap out of it and go with me to Jeffry O'Neil. He'll arrange for us to get passports, and he might be able to help Dad get his identity back!" Rafe was incredulous. He couldn't believe that his mother wasn't rushing home, packing her bags at that very moment.

"Rafe," she said quietly, "If it is your father, then he deceived us. He led us to morn the man we both loved most in the world. He left us to solve a case dealing with diamonds. Diamonds for god's sake! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! He broke my heart and left both of us alone. I'm not going to jump on the first plane to the orient, just to be even more disappointed in a man who left us for adventure and some dumb old rocks!"

Olivia finally closed her mouth and stood up. She began pacing the room. The other two simply watched her move back and forth. Tears no longer flowed as she began to sift through her thoughts. "Jeffery can check on the legitimacy of the letter and can probably arrange for you to leave as soon as possible. You'll need money and time off from work; I've got that covered." She stopped and looked at Rafe, "But Rafe, I don't think you'll be able to leave the country because of your record. You'll probably have to stay in Springfield for the time being."

"Olivia…" Natalia began, but she was cut off by her friend.

"Nat, you'll have to find out, one way or another if it's Gus. And if it is, you'll have to go to see where you stand with him." She looked sad as she continued, "He's your husband and your son's father. And we'll deal with this and talk later. Right now, I," she paused, "Emma and I, are going to go home."

Her eyes were beginning to tear up again as she said this last bit, causing Natalia to call out "Olivia!" but her friend had made a rapid exit and left her and her son sitting together holding the letter.

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Olivia rushed into the back yard looking for her daughter. She was upset about the news that Gus might still be alive. "Who's heart was in her chest?" she wondered "Who the hell was keeping her alive?" It was beginning to feel like a bad dream. Her heart beat wildly as she looked around the yard. She scanned the happy couples and their children. "Damn it!", she thought to herself, "I almost had it!". 'It', of course, was love, happiness, fulfillment, but even she was aware that she actually did have 'it' briefly. Now she lamented, she might not ever have 'it' again.

"Emma!" she called, as she looked around frantically for her daughter. "Emma!!" she began to yell once more. Upon hearing her name, the little girl, still holding Frank's big hand, began to skip her way over to her mother.

Frank could see that Olivia was distressed and couldn't help feeling a little compassion for her. "Is everything ok?" he asked. "You look like you've been crying. What's wrong?"

"Things are not ok! Everything is wrong!" she snapped as she took her daughter's hand. Then, in a nicer tone she said to her daughter, "Honey, come with me and say 'thank you for having us and goodbye' to the Bauers. We have to leave now."

Frank looked at her inquiringly, "What's going on Olivia? Why are you leaving the party?"

"I can't talk about it right now," she snapped again, but the woman wasn't moving from where she stood. Her heart was beating erratically, her chest was heaving, and perspiration was beginning to form on her forehead and neck. Tears began to well again in her eyes as she squinted at him. "We just have to leave now," she responded is a more gentle manner.

"Olivia, whatever it is, it's got you all worked up. I'm leaving from here to go home. Please let me drive you to the Beacon," and with this, he cocked his head a little, raised both of his eyebrows, and reached out his hand for her keys. The man was good. She knew this and knew that he was no longer a threat to her and Natalia. There had been friction between them after the wedding, when had been jilted at the altar, but Frank had moved on and no longer seemed angry with Olivia and Natalia. He was always the consummate gentleman and was always thinking of safety. The handsome lawman stood patiently waiting for her keys.

"You're right," she said, realizing her heart felt like it was going to give out. She had been drinking, and though she felt sober, it wasn't just her life she held in her hands. She looked down at her daughter and squeezed her fingers, "Come on, Jellybean," she murmured.

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As they drove home, they could hear fireworks popping from the backyards of the houses they passed. Olivia's head was turned so that she didn't have to look at Frank, she just stared out into space. They didn't speak until he began to pull into town.

Quietly he began, "I know you don't want to talk about it now, Olivia, but I want you to know that even with all that has happened between us, I'm still your friend, and I'm here for you or Natalia, if ever either of you need me."

Olivia fought to hold back even more tears. "You're a good man, Frank," she said. Turning her head toward him she gave a faint smile and thanked him. "I'm in love with her, Frank, and," she sniffed. "I've never felt…," but she stopped herself short from continuing, because she knew at one point in time, she had loved him too. "I just feel like I'm going to break apart inside."

He raised his eyebrows and nodded his head. "I know the feeling," he replied and then continued, "Whatever it is, it's not the end of the world."

When they reached the hotel, Olivia sent Emma inside with the doorman, and she turned to Frank. "The letter you brought to the party was from Gus, saying he was alive and in Japan. It said that he faked his own death to look for diamond thieves, but he is alive!" She said all of this in one breath. "Did you know about any of this? Did you?!!"

Frank's mouth opened in astonishment, and it was obvious that he was just as shocked as she. "He's going to kick my ass!" he said in a frightened tone. "Are you sure about this?"

"I read the letter. It was in his handwriting. It sounded like him." She just couldn't accept it. "But Frank," she continued, "I have his heart! This is ridiculous!!!"

She told Frank that Gus couldn't come back after his investigation because in faking his own death, he had lost his identity and ability to travel. Olivia presumed that he wrote the letter to soften the blow to Natalia and Rafe. They, she confirmed, were just as shocked and confused as she was, and Rafe wanted to leave immediately for Japan.

Frank noted that Rafe wouldn't be able to leave the state, let alone the country due to his arrest record.

"Why would anyone ever do that to her?" he wondered out loud. "Intentionally leave her for a year! You'd have to be out of your mind," but then he gave it some further thought, "well, Gus is a Spaulding…so I guess he is out of his mind!"

Olivia wiped her face in her blouse. "Frank," she pleaded "Can you check it out for us?"

He shook his head acknowledging that he would look into it, said good night to Olivia, telling her that her car would be returned a little later that evening, and began to drive back to the station to begin research. He was somewhat familiar with the diamond smuggling cases in San Crystobel due to the fact that he had received reports about the theft of the crown jewels. He knew they were worth a fortune and that the desperate thieves were capable of murder. Some of the men on his force were investigating the heist and looking for the diamonds to show up in Springfield.

His mind began to wander. Wasn't Harley in Japan too? Perhaps she had known Gus' plans all along and was working as his partner once again. He hadn't talked to his sister in ages; he would have to call her because she would be able to clarify what was going on. Could she and Gus be back together? No, he thought, that couldn't be the case because Olivia was so upset. Surely, Gus had asked his wife and son to go to Japan to be with him. That must have been it! Olivia was afraid she was loosing her love to Natalia's first lover and husband. Wow, what a crazy story! He shook his head in amazement and pulled into the station parking lot.


	2. Chapter 2 Frank's information

**Letter part 4**

**Originally Letter 4 and 5**

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Later that evening, Frank decided to call Japan. It was close to 9 pm in Springfield time, which would make it around 9 am where Harley was living. He hadn't talked to his sister in a long time, not since their brother Coop died, and he was feeling rather coy about calling under the current circumstances. If Gus was alive, and living in Japan, he had to be staying with Harley. Frank marveled at the incredible secret his sister kept from everyone. She had managed to keep it from everyone close to her, including her daughter, who regularly called her. He figured Harley's daughter, Daisy, didn't know anything about Gus being alive, since she hadn't blabbered about it to Rafe. Besides, Frank knew that Daisy fantasized about her mother getting back together with Dylan, Daisy's biological father, and with Gus out of the picture, that fantasy was much easier to imagine. He also knew that Daisy understood that Harley loved Gus more than any many she had ever known. As much as Daisy tried to come between Harley and Gus, it always seemed inevitable that they would end up together.

He paced around the room thinking, "Just what in the world should I say to her?" He began talking out loud to himself, "Hi! Rumor has it your dead ex-husband is really alive and with you in Japan." No, that just didn't sound right. How about, "I slept with Gus' wife, tried to marry her, but on our wedding day she decided that she loved a woman, Olivia Spencer to be exact." Yah, he said to himself sarcastically, that's a lot better! Or, "I tried to be a father figure for Gus' son, who ended up in jail for attempted murder and now can't find a job and can't leave the country." Fantastic! Yes, that will be a nice way to start this conversation.

Finally, he dialed the phone and waited as the oversea connections took place. When Harley finally answered, she sounded far away and sleepy. "Hey Sis," he said. "Sorry to wake you. How are you doing?"

They reminisced through the night, as Frank updated his sister on Daisy and what was going on with her and James Spaulding. He talked about his adopted grandson Henry, and Marina and Mallet and how Marina was running Company while Mallet was working on a special assignment on the police force. And then he went on to Buzz, who he said is doing a lot better since Coop's death. Buzz, he said, was helping Marina out with Company and enjoying semi-retirement. That part of the conversation was all easy and safe. It seemed like just another typical family conversation until he said, "So, Sis, I have to ask you something. Have you seen Gus in Japan?"

The other line went silent for a minute, and when there was a response, it was Gus, who was on the other line. Frank stopped pacing about the room and just stood and listened as Gus filled him in on his story and situation. Once he finished describing the diamond case, Gus started asking questions.

"So, I'm guessing my letter arrived, and Natalia knows I'm alive." he started. "How is she? How is Rafe? Are they coming to Japan?"

He listened as Frank gave him an update on the woman he left behind and the son he abandoned. Frank was a bit cool with him, but did not mention any of the details surrounding himself or Olivia and their involvement with Natalia. He noted that a lot of things can change in a year, and that Gus' choice to leave them in the way he did was very difficult on his family and everyone close to him. He explained that Rafe was sent to prison and later to a half-way house for attempted murder. He was still adjusting to being free and would probably not be able to make the trip. He explained how everyone mourned his loss and may have a difficult time understanding why he faked his death. Frank would have liked to have said more but he couldn't. He would have liked to have beaten the living crap out of Gus for putting everyone through this turmoil, but he figured he would let Natalia meet with him first.

Frank wanted to hang up the phone and go for a walk as he tried to figure out what he would tell the two women. He was trying to be a good friend to Olivia since she seemed to need a friend in her corner, and he knew Natalia would want to have some of this information before she decided to leave for Japan.

"I have one last question, Gus," Frank wanted to end the conversation. "Who's heart is in Olivia's chest?"

Gus paused for a moment before he answered the question. "She's always had the same heart. It's her own heart." He paused again, thinking of how he was going to explain this twist on his story. "When she was dying in the hospital, the Springfield doctors believed that she needed a heart transplant, but just before the surgery, when the donor's heart was lost to another patient on the list, one of the specialists examining Olivia's file decided that he would try a new procedure. Without a donor, she was going to die, so the risk, though it was high, was acceptable to the staff. They opened her chest and worked on her heart without needing to replace it." He sighed, "I thought that if they told her that she had my heart in her chest, both she and Natalia would have some comfort in believing that a part of me still lived. I hated to leave both of them, but things had become complicated with juggling three different women, each of which was in love with a different part of me. I was half out of my mind, Frank! And when this opportunity came up, I jumped at it. It was a way out and a way to disappear fro a time. I had the medical staff fake a heart transplant, and the surgeon miraculously fixed her heart. She's always had the same heart; it just needed some work."

Frank thanked him for answering his questions and wished him well. He finished the conversation with his sister, telling her that he couldn't believe that she had kept this a secret from everyone. His tone sounded of disappointment, but his words cemented the fact that he was concerned for her. She knew he loved her and understood what he was trying to say, even if he couldn't say it. "I love you too, Frank," she finished, and they hung up their phones, placing an ocean between them.

Frank began pacing once again. "Now, how do I break the news to Olivia and Natalia?"

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It was well into the evening when she received the call from Frank. "Come downstairs. I'm in the bar," he said.

"But the bar's closed." She responded, kind of confused.

"Not tonight it isn't. You're going to buy me a drink, and then I'm going to buy you one."

She could tell by his voice that she wasn't going to be happy with the outcome of their meeting. She told him to give her a few minutes while she dressed and called Natalia.

"She's on her way," he said, "I called her before I left to come here. I figured I 'd tell you both at the same time. She should be here any minute."

Quickly, Olivia grabbed a pair of jeans and a blouse and slid a pair of running shoes on her feet. She washed her face, which was still a little puffy from crying earlier and pulled her hair into a ponytail. Before she left the apartment, she cracked the door of her daughter's bedroom and looked in to make sure she was asleep. Besides the occasional firework exploding in the distance, all was quiet. She slipped out of the hotel room and into the hallway.

As she waited for the elevator, she contemplated everything that had occurred that day. She was happy, blissful even, during the party, but then the news that changed everything arrived. Had it only been five hours ago? She wondered what Natalia was thinking and feeling. Why had she felt so inclined to leave the party abruptly when Nat learned about her husband? Was she afraid she was going to lose her friend and that things were going to change? She told herself that nothing ever stays the same, but damn it, why couldn't she have been happy longer?

The elevator stopped with a thud, and the door opened on the ground floor. As she stepped into the room, she could see that Natalia had turned on the backlight of the bar and Frank was leaning against it, as if waiting to be served a drink.

She approached Natalia first, seeing her sitting on a high back stool at the end of the bar. Her face was not lit by the light, but she could feel Natalia's eyes follow her in as she entered the room.

"How are you doing? " asked Olivia.

"Beyond feeling angry, betrayed, abandoned and like a complete fool, I'm doing alright," she responded with a glimmer of a smile. Natalia then pushed an already poured snifter of brandy in front of her friend.

Smirking just a little at how she knew what she would drink under the circumstances, Olivia placed her hand on Natalia's shoulder and turned to Frank. "Well, what's new with Mr. Gus Aitoro?" she asked.

He told them about talking to Harley and then personally talking to Gus. He told them everything that Gus had said, occasionally taking sips of the whiskey from his tumbler. He didn't hold back, didn't sugar coat anything, and didn't try to help his friend Gus with any spin or interpretation.

The women listened intently. They were patient in the darkness, though Olivia found herself sipping the brandy with every new twist of the story. Eventually, she needed another drink. Patting her friend's shoulder, she walked around the bar to serve herself, and stood there while Frank continued with the story.

He told them that Gus felt strained and under pressure from 3 women. He explained that Natalia had loved him when he was young and foolish. Gus said that he was a different person at that time. He had been a fool to run from her in the first place; she had been his first love, and just when he could have committed to her, his father had been murdered. So he ran, trying to discover the identity of the murderer and bring him to justice.

When Harley had loved him, she shaped him into a man. Harley had been his wife for nearly ten years, had been his partner on the police force, and had opened her home and family to Gus. Being with her allowed him to see what having a family was like, and he had wanted more children of his own with her. So when Natalia came back into his life, with Rafe, he had to explore fatherhood and return to his first love. He loved both Harley and Natalia, but he went back to Natalia because he needed to complete the family he had started eighteen years earlier.

"Olivia," continued Frank, "he said that you had a special place in his heart." Frank elucidated how Gus said he felt about her, how he began to fall in love with you at a time when both of them were vulnerable. Olivia had been sick, and he was emotionally in between two other strong women. He felt he could help Olivia with his Spaulding name and money, but instead, he started seeing her as a way out from his other problems. It wasn't easy for him. None of this was easy for him.

Natalia and Olivia continued to listen. Neither interrupted him. They just listened and absorbed what he said.

"And, Olivia," finished Frank, "Your heart is your heart. Apparently, you didn't get a heart transplant. A brilliant surgeon, a Doctor Seamus Carrigg, who was flown in from Ireland to examine you, repaired it by trying an untested procedure at the very last minute. When it worked, you became a medical miracle. Your heart was broken, but it was fixed, not replaced, and you lived by shear will and a force from above." He explained how Gus had helped to concoct the transplant story to help the women cope with his death.

With this last sentiment, Frank theorized, "Apparently, you can buy anything with enough money."

Olivia's mouth was half opened as she began to think about this last bit of information.

"Ladies," said Frank, "I can only tell you what he told me; I have very little sympathy for the man." He sipped his drink and continued. "With all that's happened between us, I just want to let you know that I'm ok with you. I see what you have and though you broke my heart, I still care for both of you and I'm here for you." And with that, he downed the last of the whiskey with a tilt of his head, nodded his head to them and said goodnight.

They thanked him as he left and then Olivia poured herself a shot of Irish whiskey. With one movement, she let it pour down her throat, allowing it to warm it's way as it flowed downward. It burnt a little, but she surrendered to the feeling with a sigh. As her fist hit the bar, making a loud knocking sound, she turned to Natalia. "Well, when do you leave?" she asked.


	3. Chapter 3 When do you leave?

**Letter 6**

Natalia evaded the question and began gently drumming on the bar in front of her with both of her hands.

The dimly lit bar was the perfect backdrop to the dimly lit future they shared. Olivia poured herself another shot and offered a drink to her friend, who didn't normally indulge.

"I have the perfect drink for you!" said Olivia excitedly. "Honestly, you'll think you faked your own death and returned to life!" and with that she pulled a bottle of Amaretto off the shelf. Pouring the amber liquid into the glass, the smell permeated the room.

"My goodness," smiled Natalia sweetly, "it smells like someone's baking cake!" She took a small sip of it and licked her lips. "Perfect," she said, again with a smile.

Natalia then shook her head and sighed, "How can you be so cavalier about all of this?"

This time Olivia evaded the question. She took another shot and refilled the glass. "So when are you leaving?" she returned, now looking directly into Natalia's eyes. They looked sadly at each other for nearly half a minute before Olivia broke her hold and picked up her drink. She shot it back and poured another. Then she walked from around the bar and took the seat next to the other woman. She sat in a very alluring pose, with her legs crossed and her head supported by her left hand, but with casual clothes on, the combination was a complete oxymoron.

"When are you leaving?" she asked again.

Natalia looked away at first and then replied "That's presumptuous!" Then she added, "Liv, I can't get over how angry I am with this mess. And yes, it is a mess! It's a miracle that he's alive and I'm glad for it, I think, but what an awful thing to do to someone you love! Not to mention to abandon your son just when they were getting acquainted! Rafe had enough problems when Gus was alive! Just think of the issues we'll have now he's returned from he dead. Who does this to someone they supposedly love? And someone they want back?"

Olivia insisted, "You have to go. If not for your sake, then for Rafe's benefit. And for us." She shot back her drink and her body seemed to quake in it's warmth and seductive comfort. Her front teeth were starting to go numb and she wished for her entire body to follow suit.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Natalia asked coyly. She sipped her amaretto slowly, nipping at it from time to time. "Oh, I know you're right, but do I have to go immediately? Just because he comes back from the dead, do I have to go running to him?"

"You would if it was Jesus," slurred Olivia. At this both women smiled.

"But that would be different," returned Natalia with a smile, "he could at least turn water into wine. We could use him at the Beacon."

Olivia cocked her head and rolled her eyes in a way that made them sparkle back to her friend. She poured another shot and continued along a different track, "I can't believe I have my own heart."

"If you're not smart, you're going to need someone else's liver soon," replied Natalia, who eyed the empty shot glass.

"Under the present circumstances," she began to slur, "I think it's only fair to assume that my heart is going to break. Who needs a liver when you don't have a heart? Besides, I felt sure that I had his heart. Nat, come on..." she hesitated, "the only reason you…," but she stopped herself short from completing the thought.

Natalia, however, knew exactly what she was going to say. It struck her in the same way when Frank stunned them with the news that Olivia did not have Gus' heart. She completed Olivia's sentence while staring at her drink "the only reason I fell in love with you was because I thought his heart was in your chest?"

Olivia shuddered at the possibility. "Maybe a little part of me felt that way." She said apologetically. "Would you have been so demanding back when I was recovering if you knew I didn't have his heart?" She went to take another shot, but Natalia's hand grabbed ahold of her hand before she could completely lift the glass.

"Don't…" she pleaded and Olivia put the glass down. Both sat in silence while Natalia held onto her hand. "It was the right thing to do," she replied with confidence. "Yes, I would have tried to take care of you because I knew you needed it. I can't help that I was angry with you back then; I was angry and a grieving widow. I had a fatherless son and no future. But if I knew that you were struggling, no matter how much I hated you, I would have tried to help. That's part of my faith and I trust I would have followed those instincts." Natalia was confident in this answer. "Yes, she reaffirmed, I would have helped you."

Olivia gave her a slight smile. "You would have because you are a good and decent person. I might not have helped you, but you would have helped me." Her voice trailed off as she started to feel the weight of the day and the strength of the booze. Her eyes were heavy and starting to want to close on her, but she didn't want to leave her friend. It was the first time in what felt like a while since they had some special alone time. She basked in a drunken haze of warmth and love and didn't want it to end.

The women sat together at the bar, silently waiting for the moment they would have to surrender to the night and go home. Finally, Natalia broke the silence and suggested that perhaps it would be best for Olivia went upstairs and she drove home. Olivia confessed that she wanted to stay right there, forever, which confirmed for Natalia that her friend was completely drunk. She had to go, there was so much to plan, so much to do before she left for Japan.


	4. Chapter 4 At the Airport Always

**Lucky Letter 7- Always…**I have to run to work…so much for this chapter number being lucky!

When Olivia asked for a special favor from Jeffery, he never expected that it would be a rushed passport for Natalia to visit her dead husband in Japan. She asked him to pull whatever strings possible; it was urgent that Natalia see and talk with Gus. He understood what the other woman mean to her and promised to do his best, especially once her knew the details of this unraveling story. How could this fake death have happened without him knowing? How did Gus acquire such an assignment? He, who was currently looking for an Edmond who had also faked his own death, was perplexed. Usually special international assignments came to his desk before anyone else saw them. Had getting married and having a child changed the way the investigation unit perceived him? Was he losing his edge? Whatever the case, he still had his connections at the agency, and he was able to come through, as always, with a passport in two days.

During that time, Olivia and Natalia didn't see each other. Natalia was busy making plans for her departure, not knowing how long she would be leaving _(but of course, we know it's a month for maternity leave)_ And she was trying to leave Rafe prepared for the best and the worst outcome that could happen on this trip. Rafe was unable to go due to his criminal record, but since he perceived this as a honeymoon for his parents, he was ok with missing the opportunity to tour Japan.

In the days before she left for her trip, Olivia received two phone calls and a few texts from Natalia. One of the calls was to ask how she felt after their drinking the night before, when they had received the news about Gus. The second call informed Olivia that she would be leaving for Japan the next day, early in the morning. Now that she had the passport, ticket, and had Rafe squared away, she could make the trip.

She insisted she wasn't in a hurry to get to Japan, but how could she not have been? The only man she had ever loved and the father of her son was no longer dead. He was alive and asking for her to come to him. And even though he did the most stupid thing in the world by abandoning her and Rafe by making them believe he was dead, she had a heart that was big enough to forgive him. That's what Natalia did for people. She eased their pain by offering forgiveness and love. Her faith was a wonder to Olivia!

Rafe had insisted on dropping her off at the airport, leaving Olivia with an awkward position of not being able to reasonably say good-bye to her friend. He had slipped back into the antagonistic youthful ways, the way he was before the picnic, and refused to acknowledge that his mother's good friend had a place in their lives. For him, Daddy was coming home with mommy, and they were all going to be one little happy family. He didn't see how Gus could be perceived as selfish or a jackass. Even though he was already a young man of eighteen, he longed to form a relationship with his father, and because he didn't have the chance to do it before Gus's fake death, he was going to make every effort to love his father when he returned. In the back of his mind, he figured that maybe this would prevent his father from disappearing again. His Father needed more love.

Even when Natalia asked her to meet her at the airport, that she wanted to see her before she left, Olivia felt unsure. She didn't want to cause a scene and no longer wanted to come between the mother and son. She loved Natalia and Natalia knew this, but she couldn't tear them apart. Sure Rafe was practically a full grown man. He could be arrested and sentenced and sent to prison as an adult, but Olivia could see that there was a part of the man who was still yearning for his complete family. Could she keep that from him? Perhaps the old Olivia could have stomped on his dreams, but the Olivia with her heart repaired was a different sort of person.

It felt good for her to think like that….she was complete. She had her heart. She almost had everything, but with her heart, she had a repaired sense of what it was to love someone. She now understood that old saying, 'when you love someone, set them free and if they return the love was meant to be.' She was gambling on this adage, and the wager on the table was the highest she had ever staked.

Olivia wondered what had happened to her life. How did this all go so terribly wrong? It sounded like a soap opera to her! How did she fall in love with this woman and manage to loose her so quickly. Did she really ever have her? She knew in her heart that once Natalia went back to Gus, she would never look back on their relationship. She would be all but forgotten or regretted. Ugh, regret! Olivia had no regrets. That was a motto, a mantra, of hers, "never regret!" That's why she told Natalia before her wedding that she was in love with her. She couldn't let her go without at least acknowledging her feelings, and she had no regrets about her revelation. But what had happened to carefree days in the park or at the farmhouse? Holding hands? Brushing hair? To experience these things she would have to visit the bonobos at the local zoo. How did it all go so terribly wrong?

As they walked into the airport, Natalia was tense. There were just a few people in line and scattered about the airport. Early morning flights were nearly always this way, but she didn't seem to know this because she almost never flew when she traveled.

Rafe carried her bags, allowing her hands to be free to deal with the man at the ticket counter. Nervously, she kept looking around the airport. "Where was she?" she wondered. Surely Olivia would see her off, but there was no sign of her anywhere.

Over the loud speakers played a song that seemed familiar to her. It was Rosemary Clooney, singing 'Always', but she didn't know this, she just knew that it sounded timeless and appropriate at an airport.

_I'll be loving you, Always_

_With a love that's true, Always_

_When the things you've planned, _

_Need a helping hand,_

_I will understand, Always Always_

She listened to the lyrics as she and Rafe said good-bye, and it brought back memories of her mother. God how she missed her! The slow, sad, longing in the song affected her deeply. Tears started to roll down her cheek as she parted from Rafe, joking with him to not get arrested while she was away. She wanted to leave him with a smile, but at the same time, her own heart was breaking. Olivia hadn't come to the airport. Damn her! She could be so obstinate sometimes, like insisting over and over that Natalia go to Japan.

_Days may not be fair always_

_That's when I'll be there Always_

_Not for just an hour not just for a day_

_Not for just a year but always_

After going through security, she rode the escalator to the upper level, where the lounge for first class travelers was located. The song continued, almost hauntingly, reminding her that Olivia wasn't there to say good-bye. She thought they were in this thing for the long haul, for always. Sure, they had just begun their love affair, but this was one of those Spencer and Tracy, Taylor and Burton, Shane and Lewis kinds of stories, wasn't it? The escalator stopped at the upper level, yielding a spectacular view of the lower levels of the airport. She lowered her carry on bag to the floor and decided to scan the building for Olivia. Perhaps she just didn't know where she would be departing from. She also took her cell phone out from her pocket to check the time and see if there were any messages. Even a text from Olivia, saying goodbye or I love you or I'll miss you would have been enough to send her off happy, but there were no messages on her phone.

_When the things you've planned _

_Need a helping hand_

_I will understand always always_

The song continued playing, and she wondered if it had somehow been played a second time. Had she missed the end of it? She really wasn't paying attention to it closely anymore because she was looking for her, staring out over the balcony. Where was she? And was this her way of letting me go? Did she really think I would turn my back on her?

_Days may not be fair, Always_

_That's when I'll be there, Always_

_Not for just an hour,_

_Not for just a day,_

_Not for just a year, but Always_

There, the song had ended. She bent down to pick up her bag, when the song began playing again.

_I'll be loving you, Always_

_With a love that's true, Always_

And as she looked to her right side, down the corridor, just outside of the Elite Flyers Lounge she saw her. Closing her eyes momentarily, she sighed and tried to picture her there in front of her. And there she was, standing in the distance, waiting for Natalia.


	5. Chapter 5 Woman in a red dress

She was wearing the red dress that Natalia loved on her. It was like Olivia was a distant beacon, calling Natalia into port, showing the way, yet offering a warning. Red was her color, the color of attraction and alarm. When she wore it, she was the brightly colored viper, the poisonous fruit, and the powerful seductress. To Natalia, Olivia reminded her of the cardinal flower, the kind that attracted so many ruby throated hummingbirds seeking nectar in the garden alongside the farmhouse. The red in her dress brought out the highlights in her hair, which was down, brushed to the side, and scraping her shoulders. She stood like a statue in the distance, showing a mile of leg and a beautiful physique.

Natalia, lost in the moment, smiled from ear to ear, returning the smile from her friend down the way. They each started taking steps toward the other until they were standing together. Natalia reached out both of her hands wanting to hold Olivia's, who gladly welcomed them in her own.

Looking into Olivia's eyes she declared, "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known!" She gasped and then continued, "I'm so glad you came! I was incredibly worried that Rafe would have kept you from saying goodbye to me. When I went through security my heart nearly broke that you were nowhere in sight. I thought for sure I wouldn't get to say what I wanted to say to you. Oh, Liv, I'm not saying goodbye! I'm not!" Her voice trailed off into a whisper and her grip on Olivia's hands tightened. The women move in closer, as if sharing intimate thoughts that they didn't want others to hear.

"Thank you," was all Olivia could say. The woman in front of her was far more beautiful in so many other ways that she couldn't begin to compare to her beauty. Even in her casual traveling clothes, Natalia was gorgeous. But beyond beauty, the woman had a sincerity and love that was so raw and pure, it cut through all of the earthly entanglements to which everyone clings and allowed those around her to see themselves for the very first time. Her beauty was powerful and awe inspiring. As she took in her friend's warm smile, Olivia replied, "I would have moved heaven and earth to see you today," and then she sighed, "I'm lucky that airports and hotels do business together. I wanted to see you off, to let you know that no matter what happens in Japan, you will always have my heart."

Natalia stopped her. "Wait. About your heart…" she paused for a moment, shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I didn't say what I wanted to the other day, and I've got to say it now, before I leave. Olivia, I would have taken care of you at first because of my religion. That much I said was true…but what I should have also said was that I didn't fall in love with you because you had Gus's heart…I fell in love with you for you."

Olivia's eyes glistened as she smiled. "I love you so much," she whispered. "And I promised myself I wasn't going to cry, not today. Don't make me cry!" Her eyes began to water despite her smile.

"You ol' push over!" smirked Natalia. "It's so funny how so many people think you're a ruthless, distant, and cold fish, but Olivia Spencer, you're nothing but the most gentle, soft, loving person I've ever met."

There was a moment of silence between them that was palatable. Rosemary Clooney was still crooning 'Always' in the background like a broken record, and the two women held each other, not wanting to relinquish that moment. Natalia wanted to let her know that she planned to come back to her. She wanted to finally show Olivia that she had the courage to go beyond being friends. She wanted to let her know that her husband had died in her mind and that she had moved forward in her life. She let go of Olivia's hands and pulled her into a hug, which Olivia returned. They held each other tightly, quaking in the intimacy of the moment. Then slowly Natalia discretely kissed the right side of her friend's neck. Olivia couldn't see her face, but the faint feeling of a smile, pressed against her skin was unmistakable. Just above the first, Natalia gave her another little peck followed by a smile. Her breath on Olivia's neck and tender kisses weakened the lady in her arms to a point where all she could do was surrender to Natalia's touch.

Olivia closed her eyes and enjoyed the pleasurable sensation as her friend became her lover. Little kisses crept up her neck to her cheek, and when Olivia felt Natalia's cheek next to hers, she withered at the thought of what was to come next.

But her friend was teasing her, kissing and nuzzling the area near her ears before continuing to rub her gentle lips against Olivia's cheek.

"Oh, come on!" she heard herself impatiently whisper as Natalia's lips began to move closer to hers. Natalia was seducing her, taking the lead, and enjoying the power she held over her friend. She was filled with excitement and joy and she wanted it to last. This couldn't be wrong, she said to herself.

Finally, Natalia pulled slightly away from Olivia's face and looked into her eyes with a smile. She gently placed her index finger over Olivia's lips and quietly said "I have a plane to catch."

Olivia's eyebrows both raised quizzically and she made a pleading face as the index finger began to trace her lips. She embraced it with her lips and tried to prevent it from rubbing any further, but it loosely coiled and pulled free, encircling the area again. In defeat, Olivia closed her eyes, raised her brow and took in an enormous sigh. She could wait for her, couldn't she?

But just as her eyes closed, she felt the Natalia's warm, moist lips touch her own lips. Was that a hint of amaretto she smelled? Her mouth had been closed and the rapidness of Natalia's movement caught her off guard. It was a soft and gentle touch that exuded longing and lingering. In a moment, the kiss collapsed, the pressure between them withdrew, the two women were apart, and Natalia's eyes slowly opened. She felt a warm wave flash across her face as she tried to recover her composure. The smile that formed across her face was full of pride; she had found the courage to seize the moment, kissing Olivia for the first time and knew she wanted to kiss her again. Olivia was still free falling as she opened her eyes, realizing that it only last for a few seconds. A smile broke across her face to, knowing that the woman in her arms was radiantly beaming.

It hadn't been thunderous, earth shaking, and neither of them heard bells. Wasn't that what you were supposed to expect when the love of your life kissed you for the first time? No. The effect of this kiss, however, was unbelievably far more enduring than any of those fictional things. It was the ultimate binding agent that symbolized a mutual affection shared by the women. They held each other close, realizing that their pulses were racing and their breathing was long and heavy. They knew they each wanted more, and yet the occasion was such that there could be no more.

Olivia tenderly brushed Natalia's bangs from her eyes, and in that moment the gold wrist watch on her left arm slid down, revealing that it was time for Natalia to board the plane. The smile slowly dissolved from her face and a sad look crept into her eyes. Her friend had to leave. The women silently walked to the gate together and Natalia turned to Olivia and hugged her one last time.

She looked into her friend's eyes and whispered, "I love you".

Olivia, eyes watering, replied, "I love you."

And in a moment, her ticket was collected, and she was beginning to make her way down the gangway to the plane.

Olivia, standing, watching her disappear, said to herself, "Come back to me."


	6. Chapter 6 Longing and confessions

**Letter 9**

Natalia's departure that day was emotionally draining on Olivia. Not only had she left, but she had kissed Olivia before going. How cliché, a kiss at the airport! But Lord knows, Olivia loved it. Sure, it wasn't the most aggressive and sexual kiss she ever had. It wasn't meant to excite. It had not been the kind of kiss she would have envisioned as their first kiss together. She had not even been truly prepared for it, but that's what was so surprising about it. She expected it, was let down initially, and then was surprised when she closed her eyes. She really didn't kiss Natalia. Natalia had kissed her. And it felt like more of a statement by the other woman than anything else. "Yes," she told herself, "Natalia was ready to move on with her life." Maybe Olivia would have everything she had ever wanted.

But Olivia was always full of doubts when it came to her relationship with Natalia. It wasn't that she thought Natalia didn't love her. She knew her friend loved her, but she had difficulty believing that she, Olivia, could ever be happy. For instance, as soon as she had learned that Gus was alive, she immediately expected Natalia would go back to her husband. What a heart crushing moment that had been! However, at the airport, Natalia wouldn't say goodbye to Olivia. She said she had fallen in love with her, leaving Olivia to believe that she would return to her. But Olivia was realistic. She began to envision her friend spending some time with Gus, hearing him plead forgiveness, talking about Rafe and his problems, and realizing that she should be with Gus. He was a man, for Christ sake and she would be half a world away! He could lure her to bed…" No, she thought, Natalia was too angry and smart to fall for anything he might try. But perhaps her greatest vulnerability was in her ability to forgive. "Damn her faith! If she finds a way to forgive the bastard," thought Olivia, "then they might try to work things out."

She looked down at her phone. It was 7 am; one hour had already passed since the flight had taken off, and she was already missing Natalia. She was driving around town, heading for the Beacon, when she decided to have some breakfast, so she parked the car and walked over to Company. Just as she was at the doorway, Frank began to come up the walkway.

"Wow," he exclaimed, "you look sensational!" He started fumbling with his words, "I mean, you good, you always look good, but to look that good this early, Wow! Are you just coming back from a hot date? What's the occasion?"

She looked at him with a slight smile, "Thanks," was all she said at first. "I wanted to see Nat off at the airport."

"Oh, Right!" he recalled. "I thought Rafe was taking her."

"He did. He had to leave her at the security station. I met her at the gate." His face expressed some surprise at this, so she answered, "I must have better connections than him."

"I'll have to be nicer to you then…hey, join me for breakfast," he commanded as he held the door for her.

As they slid into a booth, Marina walked up to the table with their menus. "What's going on here? Were you two just out on a date?" she asked.

"No," corrected her father. "Olivia was just at the airport, seeing Natalia off."

"Good riddens! What a needy woman! But why are you dressed like" she stammered almost as much as her father had, "like that?"

"Marina!" interrupted Frank.

"No," Olivia stopped him. "You never told her?" she questioned Frank.

"I didn't think it was my place or her or anyone else's business," he replied.

Marina, getting impatient, started to shift from side to side. "Tell me what?" she asked.

Olivia smiled at the thought of telling the younger woman off, but Frank had been so nice to her and Natalia, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Though she couldn't unleash her tongue totally, she took a certain amount of pleasure in telling Marina "Natalia and I are together," but she could see from the confused look on the other woman's face that she didn't quite understand. "that's why she didn't marry your father. She and I are in love. We're together."

It was the first time she had admitted it to anyone in a way that she had control. It felt liberating to say it. Sure people knew- the Bauers, Doris, and even Philip had guessed, but now, Olivia had the chance to come out on her own, and she did it unabashedly.

Marina just glared at both Frank and Olivia. "She left you," pointing at Frank, "for you?" pointing at Olivia. "And now she's running off?"

Finding her reaction to the news amusing, Olivia added, "and she's run off to Japan to visit her husband, Gus, who faked his own death."

Marina shook her head. "What a soap opera!" she declared. "I can't handle any of this…do you know what you want to order?"

To herself, Olivia muttered, "yes, a muzzle for you," but then audibly said, "the number 3, scrambled, bacon, and with wheat toast, please."

Two hours had passed since the plane ascended the sky, and she was once again looking at her cell phone for any messages. She knew that Natalia couldn't send any from the plane, but the reaction to thinking of her, and looking, was more a habit than anything else.

From Company she decided to go for a stroll in the park, where she could sit in the gazebo. So many pleasant memories had happened there, that she figured she could find some comfort in it's shade and gardens. It was usually a nice, quite place and it was a place she where she wanted to find solace. She didn't have to pick up Emma until later in the day, and as the boss at the Beacon, she could wander into work when she pleased.

She began to walk to the park entrance when Josh waved to her from across the street. "Hold on," he yelled, "I'll join you!" And with that he jogged in between traffic and found his way at her side.

She didn't really want to spend this time with Josh, not in this place. It had been sacred to her, since the gazebo was the place where Natalia had first acknowledged her love for her, and she felt somehow that Josh's presence in the same building would defile it. But then she thought back to Marina's recent reaction to her coming out and pondered if maybe this was the right time to tell Josh. Certainly, she should be the one to tell him, she thought.

"You look incredibly smokin' hot!" he smiled. "Are you just getting in from a date?"

As they walked along the path, a huge smile crossed her face. "Yes, I guess it was something like that…"

"Lucky guy! Who was it?" he asked.

Again, a smile crept over her. "Josh," she said, stopping just short of the gazebo, "I have been meaning to tell you something, and I wasn't sure how to say it, not until you kissed me recently, but…I think you've turned me on to women."

He chuckled a little, smiling back at her.

"Really," she said. "I'm in love with Natalia Rivera Aitoro."

He stopped laughing and just looked at her blankly, "really?"

She proudly reaffirmed, "I'm in love with Natalia Rivera Aitoro and she's in love with me. We're officially off the market." But as she said this, she wondered if it was true. Was her girlfriend going to come back to her.

Things started to click in his head, as he realized that she was serious. He smiled back at her and said "Wow, two bombshells in one day!" As he said this, he gave her a once over with his eyes and smiled, shaking his head, "Good for you. I guess that's why she left Frank at the alter."

It didn't take long for him to find an excuse to leave, and when he did, she felt exhilarated and scared. She felt a natural high in one sense because acknowledging her love for Natalia felt so good. It was like having a burden removed or being completely honest for the very first time. But would Natalia be angry about her telling people? "Would Natalia come back to her?" lingered in the back of her mind.

She looked again at her phone and winced at the thought of missing her. "Perhaps some work will distract me," she thought. When she returned to the Beacon, she went immediately to her office to retrieve a file. She had decided to work from her hotel room at that point and then spend the latter part of the afternoon with Emma. It wasn't until she opened the door to her room that she discovered the letter addressed to her. It had been slid under the door and must have been there all morning. It was from Natalia.

She threw the letter and file onto the bed, kicked off her high heels, and with two motions gracefully removed the dress so that she was wearing only her slip. Then she opened a cabinet along the wall and removed a bottle and glass, which she half filled with amaretto. Grabbing the remote on the nightstand, she aimed it at the sound system, and Rosemary Clooney's voice started singing "Always". Jumping on the bed, she rolled onto her side and began to read the letter.


	7. Chapter 7 Natalia's love letter

**Letter 10**

Olivia took a sip of the amaretto and placed the tumbler on the cedar chest at the end of the bed. "So, it was still morning," she thought, "it had to be afternoon somewhere in the world." That was her rule, no drinking before noon, and under the present circumstances, it seemed fine to break the rule this once. She was sprawled out on her belly in her slip, with her legs crossed and hanging in the air. The letter, three pages in length, was in her hands and she was smiling expectantly as she began to read it.

Dear Olivia,

What is it about you that drives me to do things I wouldn't normally do, like writing this letter or sliding it under your door? Whatever it is, you seem to propel me to do things that go beyond convention. They are mostly good things, and I find I'm a better person for them. Only you can inspire me to write my first love letter! I never wrote one to Gus, which is strange, but we never reached a point where I could send him letters. I wanted to let him know about his son Rafe, when he left for Chicago so many years ago, but I never did. I guess you were meant to be my first on many different levels!

The reason I am sliding this letter under your door is because I half expect to not see you at the airport this morning, and it will break my heart if I don't see you before I leave. I want you to know where I stand and how I feel about you. These last two days, you and I haven't had much time to talk about things, and it's eating me up inside. I already miss you and since it's awkward to say on the phone, I'll say what I need in this letter. When I think of you sitting, reading this letter, I know it's the right thing to do. Conversations pass and we change them in our heads, but letters are tangible and can be read over and over, tucked in a pocket and amazingly they can be heard. Do you hear my voice now when you read this letter? If not, read louder- ha ha! I hope that you can and that it's a comfort to you.

What I need to tell you that everything will be alright and what I need to hear from you will be that everything will be alright…As you always say, 'what will happen, will happen'…and I'm beginning to learn to surrender to those fates that bind our futures. I realize that Rafe has issues with us, but I am hopeful that these will subside as he takes time to get used to you and I being together. I feel he will eventually understand my feelings and will want to continue to be in this family of ours. Listen to that- our family. I want us, and I want you. I can't turn my back on my family or religion, but there would be a hole in my heart if you were not in my life, and not just as my best friend.

What a crazy unpredictable world! Olivia, how did we get to this point? When was it that you began to see me differently? When was it when you wanted to be closer? It almost seems like something that happened long ago, but I realize it's only been a short time. It's funny that in a day, when things seem to happen so fast, you and I have seemed to be able to slow down time. We know something will happen between us, but we haven't needed to rush things, and I appreciate that kind of 'old school love'. This is the kind of love where you don't have to be in such a hurry for consummation only to have it dissolve in the next moment. Between the two of us, we've experienced enough of those types of relationships! I want for us something that will last, and if it takes a while to build, then it takes some time. I appreciate the fact that you have waited, that we have waited, without pressure and with a friendship I never could have imagined.

You're going to smile at my naiveté, but I have to admit that I'm not sure how to progress when it comes to the intimate side of things. To say the very least, I am a little intimidated about the physical aspect of this kind of relationship. And I would gather, that you probably are as clueless as me too. Do you suppose there are books on these sorts of things? Perhaps Doris can explain how it all works! All I know is that I want to take this farther and I want to be able to convey to you how you make me feel. When I'm with you, I can't ever seem to find the words to explain how I feel towards you except to say "I love you", but I'll try my best to convey why I love you and what you mean to me. You'll have my words, my thoughts, in this letter and now you can hold them close to your heart and read them whenever you feel lonely or sad.

I simply want to have a happy life with you and our families. Our family. I realize now that in this life, we've got to do what we can to make ourselves happy. And you and Emma make me happy and I'm smiling right now just thinking of you both. Look at me with this letter. I've rambled on a lot and you've said nothing! Perhaps I should end it, and let your eyes rest a bit.

I guess that ultimately, it all comes down to these last few words. I'm in love with you and I plan to come back to you. I'm miss you terribly and look forward to seeing you again. Wait for me!

Love Always,

Natalia

Olivia rolled to her side and hugged the letter. She was glad that not only did she see her friend at the airport, but that she now had her words in pen and ink.

"She will come back to me," she thought happily. "If I knew where she was staying in Japan, "I'd write to her." Then quickly she remembered that Frank had Harley's address and that Natalia was slated to stay at a hotel in Tokyo anyway. It would be great to send her a surprise love letter. Because she never sent one before, Olivia figured Natalia had never received one either. "She could have my words," thought Olivia, "while she goes through this difficult time." And with that, she picked herself off of the bed, dressed into some more casual clothes, and headed off to the store to purchase some stationary.


	8. Chapter 8 Gus Returns

**Letter 11 **so much for maternity leave…if I have to work, so does she….

Her plane touched down in a heavy fog, which was rare for that part of Asia at that time of year. It was already night and not a recognizable landmark was visible except for the runway lights that led to the airport. Soon the airport itself came into view and she was aware that her long journey was over.

As she walked up the gangway to the gate exit, Natalia began to realize how exhausted she had become during the sixteen-hour flight. Instead of a direct route, she zigzagged her way to Japan, hoping to allow more time to pass before dealing with what she was about to encounter. She flew from Springfield to Chicago, where she had a long layover and then had a long layover in Portland before making her way to Tokyo. Intentionally, she had wanted to stall, punishing herself for how she felt towards him. She was angry, not necessarily for what he had done to her, but what he had done to Rafe, abandoning his son for the second time in his life.

She had slept on the plane, but the act of traveling was a drain and the emotional experience she had with Olivia, combined with what was to come with Gus, weighed on her psyche. She wasn't overly enthusiastic to be in Japan, not under the circumstances, and right now, she just wanted to get on a train or find a taxi and go to her hotel to rest from her travels.

She wondered what she would say to Gus when she first saw him. With all of the time on the flights, layovers, and the two days that had passed since the Bauer's 4th of July picnic, after hearing of his being alive, she had played certain scenarios in her head but never really picked one she liked best. Mostly this was because she didn't like any of them. How could she? Clearly, she was glad that he was alive, but her first instinct was to slap him across the face, yell and run. Her second instinct was to kick him where it hurt, let him yell, and run, but she reasoned that physical pain was too transient as a punishment.

As she neared the gate exit, she realized that if Gus had not disappeared, she and Olivia would never have fallen in love. She actually began to feel a little grateful towards him. This realization somehow took the edge off of her spirit and softened her reaction when she saw him standing there, holding a sign with her name on it. It actually read 'Natalia Rivera Aitoro?', so technically he was reminding her that she shared his name too. But the "?" hung between them. Had he done it as a joke to break the tension he knew would be present or was he literally asking if she was still his wife?

At first he was like an apparition to her. He seemed slightly skinnier than when she last had seen him and somewhat more pale, but comparatively, at that point, the last time she saw him, he had been laid out in a coffin for the viewing. He stood in a casual pose with one of his hands in his jeans pockets and one holding the sign, but his nervousness was apparent to her by the way he swayed, shifting from foot to foot. He wore a white cotton shirt under a sports jacket and his dark curly hair was cropped and slicked back. Though he had been cleanly shaven that morning, the stubble from a day of waiting was poking through his cheeks. His eyebrows were raised inquisitively, and he made a nervous smile, hopeful that she would return it.

He had known she was on her way because Frank had told Harley ahead of time, but he had no idea that she would take such a circuitous route. Though he could have been a male model in that pose, he too looked a bit haggard and forlorn from waiting at the airport all day. When she saw him up close, she was amazed by how little he had really changed. He smelled of cologne and had a sparkle in his eye. He was the same man, a handsome man, that even now made her heart speed up a bit. He took her carry on bag and hugged her, kissing her cheek. "I'm so glad you came. I wondered if you would change your mind."

She hugged him back, and while in his grasp he asked, "Why didn't you take a more direct flight?"

She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes and replied, "I'm Catholic. I guess I felt the need for penance."

He laughed nervously at her statement and released her from his hold. He could see by the way she looked at him that she had not forgiven him yet, and there was a distance between them that extended beyond the physical contact they just had experienced. He began by asking how her trip was and asked about Rafe.

She said she was tired and that she wanted to go straight to her hotel room, so they skipped the special dinner he had planned, and he drove her directly to the hotel. On their way to the hotel, he inquired about everything from Springfield, and she answered him in short, simple sentences. Instead of sounding like his wife, she resembled a long lost relative at a family reunion that was hopped up on valium and distracted by an alluring food buffet.

He saw it would be a challenge to break down the wall she had constructed, the wall that would protect her from getting hurt again. He felt he understood the problem and was actually relieved to leave her at her hotel room alone that night. "She'll warm up and forgive me once she feels safe with me again," he rationalized. She agreed to meet him for brunch, allowing her to settle in and become used to the time difference; in the morning, he would meet her at the restaurant downstairs and he would begin to break away her wall.

As for Natalia, she closed her hotel room door and strode to the balcony that overlooked the city. When she opened one of the French doors, a strong, cool and moist breeze blew into the room, reminding her of the unseasonal weather in the region. The noise of traffic below, coupled with the typical city noises nearly caused her to close the door, but a clearing in the night sky, revealing the first stars of the night, caught hold of her imagination and she stayed, gazing up into outer space. She wondered if God had some sort of plan in store for her and inquired as to what it was he wanted from her.

At that moment, she thought of Olivia and wondered if she was part of that same plan. What was Olivia doing right now at that very moment? Was she getting Emma off to her day camp or was she taking care of business in her office at the Beacon? Natalia wondered if Olivia was thinking of her too. A world away, and yet she was the only thing she could think of at that moment. As she thought of the other woman, a smile came to her face. She envisioned Olivia as she was in the airport, decked out in red, standing in the distance, smiling at her. She remembered kissing the nape of her neck, moving to her cheek and teasing the other woman with her caresses. Oh, how she and Olivia had both wanted more! Natalia smiled even more when she thought of how she kissed her unsuspecting lips. The thrill of that kiss lingered deep inside of her, and she shivered at the thought of the intimate moment.

Natalia walked over to her bag and picked up her cell phone to send Olivia a text. "Arrived. Exhausted. Alone." was all it said.

A few moments later, he phone buzzed with a reply, "You're never alone in my heart. Always!".

Natalia then sent her son a message to let him know she had arrived.

She said a little prayer before closing the French door and then washed away her travels with a long hot shower. She gazed once more at her message from Olivia before closing her eyes to dream.

Her final thought that night seemed odd to recall, but it fit the occasion. "What did Scarlett O'Hara say? 'Tomorrow is another day. I'll think about tomorrow'."


	9. Chapter 9 Getting reacquainted

**Chapter 12**

The next day Gus met Natalia just outside the restaurant on the ground floor of the hotel. It seemed to him that meeting her in the restaurant at the table would have made for a cool reception, and he wanted to avoid moving in the wrong direction. He complimented her as soon as he saw her step out of the elevator, a task not difficult to do. The woman was beautiful and elegant in casual clothes, and she nervously smiled when he looked her over. This was his wife, one of the women that he had loved, and he was looking at her, as if for the very first time. He had planned to tell her everything, he planned to beg for her forgiveness, and he planned to plead with her to come back to him. He knew it would be a difficult task, but he felt that her Christian heart would melt, and she would find a way to forgive and be with him.

She appeared to be refreshed, but her yawning told of another story.

"Didn't you sleep well?" he asked.

"I guess I'm still on Springfield time," she lamented with another yawn.

He invited her into the restaurant, and they walked together, arm in arm, to their table. When he went to pull her chair out, playing the part of the gentleman, Natalia beat him to the gesture. She seated herself, and looked around the restaurant nervously, searching for some topic to begin small talk. But she let him have the first attempt at civility.

"You look stunningly beautiful this morning," he smiled as he seated himself. She smiled a little and looked down at the plate that was placed in front of her. He chuckled a little and said "You haven't changed a bit. Still can't take a compliment."

"Gus," she started, still staring at the plate, "I'll have you know that I've changed quite a bit since your…your absence." She continued, "A year is a lot of time, and I'm a very different person."

He looked at her lovingly and smiled, "Natalia, I just meant that you're still the same person. Oh, I expect change. Change is constant, but you're still you, and I'm still me." He watched her eyes slowly crawl from the table to his face, and this movement gave him great pleasure. She looked at him for the first time as he said, "I want to explain everything to you. And I want to hear all about how you've changed. I want to be back in your life, and I want…" but she cut him off.

"Let's take this slowly," she said with a lugubrious look in her eyes. And then she added, "Tell me about your case, your adventure, and why you would run away from your family the way you did." Though there was no venom in her voice, he could tell that she hadn't left her anger in Springfield, and it hadn't ebbed away in her sleep that night. She was still cold and distant and inspired a challenge in him.

He talked throughout the entire brunch, revealing how he had felt, why and when he had decided to fake his death, how he had accomplished the feat, and what it meant to him to leave as he had left. He exposed his joys and frustrations with the three women, the pressures of his job, of being a Spaulding, and how he had just wanted to run away from it all. He mentioned Harley, and how she provided him with the means to disappear, but he explained how he and she were relicts of the past. As he said, "she has been like a sister to me, taking care of me when I needed it most." He wanted to make Natalia understand that he had never been unfaithful to her and that he still loved her tremendously.

Natalia ordered a glass of red wine and a glass of amaretto and waited for Gus to order what he wanted. Surprised that she was drinking and had ordered two drinks, he assumed that one was for him. She corrected him, saying that she wanted to drink the wine at that moment, but wanted to smell the amaretto on the side. Gus ordered a beer and began to think that perhaps his wife had changed more than she had outwardly revealed.

He continued where he had left off, stating his intention to regain the last bit of his family. He regretted running from her and Rafe. He said he tried to keep up with the latest news on his family through Harley and her infrequent calls to her daughter Daisey. They talked until brunch had turned into dinner, and the place settings around them were being changed. When he had finished, he looked at her tired visage and asked if she'd like to go for a walk in a nearby park.

They left the hotel and slowly strolled through an ornamental garden that bordered the property. It was cool and felt good to stretch their legs after sitting most of the morning and afternoon. The experience was like walking through a cloud. The air was cool and moist and began to condense on their faces as they walked. Bonsai trees, orchids, and all sorts of lush tropical vegetation could be found along the walkway, while pebble mosaics and zen gardens occasionally blended into the landscape. There were benches and large boulders, that must have been considered seats, that held thoughtful, reflective people in meditation and lovers. A small creek that evolved into lily-filled ponds and water falls flowed through the garden; it was covered by a series of unique stone bridges, which allowed the pedestrians to cross the grounds with ease. Though it was located in the middle of the loud city, the garden was an oasis of green serenity. Small birds called out to others, bees hovered over flowers and the occasional newt scampered across the walkway disappearing under the green cover. In the middle of the park stood a small, red painted, Japanese-style gazebo with wild blooming morning glory vines climbing up the poles that held the roof. Pink azalea bushes grew around the building like the fur on a royal crown. The azure colored flowers were striking to the eye, and immediately Natalia thought of Olivia. It was so beautiful, so perfect, and so romantic.

As they moved closer to the structure, a light rain began to fall, which hastened their pace. When he ascended the stairs, he turned and reached out his hand to Natalia, who stood in the rain, which was now beginning to pour downward. She hesitated at his gesture before realizing that she would become soaked standing where she stood. She took his hand and joined him. The gazebo had been her and Olivia's place and she didn't want to share that type of a memory with Gus. Though it was perfectly romantic, the sound of the rain on the roof was loud and took a way a little of its ambiance. A bench was located along each wall, just as in the Springfield gazebo, and Gus sat on it, motioning for her to join him. At first she paced back and forth, not wanting to join him, but the sound of the pouring rain prevented her from hearing anything he had said. She didn't want to sit there, next to him, in this romantic building, but she was polite and knew if she didn't hear him, then she wouldn't know what to say likewise.

It was awkward, and making matters worse, she began to shiver a little from the cool moist air and wet clothing. Seeing this, Gus removed his jacket, gave it to her, and then placed his arm around her shoulder, laying it gently on the gazebo railing.

"I'm sorry for everything," he said with his eyes beginning to water, "I never meant to hurt you. You're my wife, the mother of my only child, and I know I hurt you."

She was close to him for the very first time and felt a compassion for him that she hadn't felt since before he died. It was clear that he was miserable from the deception, and she knew she had the power to relieve him of this weight, but she also knew she couldn't be everything he wanted her to be. What he wanted was in the past, and she had to educate him of this fact.

She began to think of how she should begin her tale of the past year in Springfield. She wanted to explain why she had changed so much since he had last known her. And so, she came clean about Rafe being in prison and how disastrous his death had been for the angry young man. She described how Olivia and Emma moved in with her when she was alone and how she came to be very close to them over time. Finally, she described how she had developed a relationship with Frank Cooper, had become engaged to him and nearly married him. She let Gus know that at the very last moment, she found that she couldn't marry Frank, and that's where her story ended.

Gus had been listening intently to her story, but when she came to the part about Frank, she saw how hurt he was by the betrayal of her heart. She did not reveal the full extent of her relationship with Olivia because she couldn't bring herself to wound him more than she already had. He felt as if someone had sucker punched him in the gut. How could she have moved on so quickly after his death? She had been unfaithful to his memory. Surely, he had figured, she would morn him, and one day move on with someone else, but all of this had happened in less than a year after his death. 'Did he mean so little to her?' he wondered. He sat quietly staring at the floor.

"I guess you were right, you have changed quite a bit," he remarked after a long pause. "Why didn't you marry him?" he asked.

The lie that she and Olivia had developed in the gazebo, those many months ago, surfaced in her memory. She told Gus what she and Olivia had told Frank. That she wasn't completely over Gus' death. This lie seemed to satisfy and relieve the man in front of her, who looked into her brown eyes.

Then moving his arm so that he could hold her hand, he asked, "Can you ever forgive me? Is there anyway in your heart that you can forgive me, be my wife, and return to me?"

Natalia sat there, staring at their entwined fingers. Her head raised and she looked in to his dark eyes. The rain pummeled the roof with a thunderous sound, but he heard her say "I can forgive you for what you did to me, but I'll never forgive you for hurting our son."

They decided to return to the hotel despite the heavy downpour. Running through the rain, they became drenched and light spirited. They had spent so much time talking in each other's company, that they both decided to be alone for a while to absorb all of the elements of their feelings and conversation.

Gus walked Natalia to her hotel room door and watched as she fiddled with the key to open it. Her wet cloths clung to her body and he could see through her blouse. A shiver shook her as she worked the latch on the door. But before the door was pushed open, Gus grabbed her from behind and pulled her in for a long, hot, and sensual full kiss on the mouth. She didn't expect it and tried to resist it at first, but the strength of his lips and hold on her, the smell of his cologne and the warmth of his body next to hers were irresistible and she found herself passionately invested in the embrace. He moved them into the door entrance as his hands began to explore the rest of her body, groping her with an animal pleasure.

She reveled in the satisfaction that she had him so excited, even though it was not wholly what she had wanted. Her conscious state was altered with ecstasy, but it was for the wrong person, and she knew she had to stop him before they went too far. With a inner strength by which she herself was mystified, she pushed him away, panting from the exertion. "Please," she begged, "Please leave now…Please!"

He too was breathing heavily. "You want me!" he smiled.

"I want you to go," she said, and as she pointed to the door, her eyes caught sight of the Federal Express package they had stepped over when they entered the room. It had been slid under the door.

Gus bent down and picked up the package. "It's from 'The Beacon'," he said, "maybe it's my passport! Jeffery O'Neill was going to work on expediting the paperwork on my passport so I can return home." But as he looked closely at the package, he saw that it was addressed to Natalia. "It's for you." He said as he handed it to her.

Right away Natalia recognized the handwriting on the envelope. Olivia had sent her something and she had done it on her own. She hadn't even used an assistant for the task. "I was working for Olivia at 'The Beacon'," she replied, "It's probably just some unfinished paperwork."

"What if Jeffery gave Olivia my passport to send to you, to give to me? Can you open it now? Please? I may be able to leave even earlier than I expected," he said excitedly.

Natalia broke the seal on the package and looked inside. There was just a letter with no passport in sight. The letter was sealed in a pretty, antique pink, envelope that had little roses adorning its corners. In Olivia's handwriting, but in a script that Natalia was surprised to see, was scrawled her name, "Natalia."

"Looks like you'll have to wait a little longer. You're passport isn't here. It's just paperwork, busywork…from my work," she fumbled. She started to direct him to the door, "Look, I'm tired and cold and wet. I'll see you tomorrow morning. I should probably look into this work stuff from 'The Beacon'. I'll let you know if I get anything else from Jeffery." And with that she shoved him out of the room and closed the door behind him, leaving Gus confused and bewildered.

A smile crept across her face as she took the envelope out of the packaging. It was heavy from the weight of the stationary and reminded Natalia of her favorite rose bush from the farmhouse.

From the heavy paper wafted the scent of her alluring perfume. Olivia had returned her love!


	10. Chapter 10 Olivia's love letter

**Chapter 13**

Natalia called down to the hotel's front desk and ordered a bottle of amaretto and a snifter glass. She disrobed, stepped into a hot shower and washed away the long day she shared with Gus. It was a relief to have the hot water rush over her body, and she was overjoyed by the citrus smell of the special Ivory soap bar that the hotel had provided (P & G product placement). Olivia's letter waited for her in the next room, and for some reason, showering before she read it seemed like an appropriate way to welcome her friend into the hotel.

The bottle and glass arrived just as she got out of the shower. She didn't waste any time; donning one of the hotel's plush robes, she then answered the door, tipped the delivery boy, and began to pour her first drink- three fingers high. She smelled the liquor as she swirled the amber fluid in the glass and smiled sweetly. "To Olivia!" she toasted, raised the glass, and then took a small sip. She towel dried her hair and brushed her long wet main out of her face. Then she opened one of the French doors and allowed the cool moist air to enter the room. She curled up on a small love seat near the French doors and placed her drink on the table beside it.

The letter had some heft, and given the quality of her taste, the stationary was expensive. In her hands, she turned it over and over inspecting the envelope, looking for a hint as to how to proceed without inflicting much damage to the pretty outer shell. Gently, she lifted the lip from the sealed paper and eased it open. Natalia could smell Olivia's scent, from around the world, wafting into the room with a breeze from the envelope. God how she loved that scent! The paper was heavy and had a woven texture. "Was it made of cotton or paper?" she wondered. The letter inside of the pink envelope was antique white with a floral border composed of tiny pink roses climbing a green vine in each corner of the paper. The ink on the paper was the grayish blue, and was written in a calligraphic style, with swirls and accents that resembled writing from the Victorian past. Natalia held the letter just a few inches from her face and inhaled the perfume once again. "Speak to me, Liv," she said as she began to read the words of her friend and lover.

Dear Nat,

Last night I drove out to the farmhouse and sat on your swing, looking out beyond the porch, at the tree line on the horizon. I wondered if you, too, had found yourself looking out, in the opposite direction towards home. There are times when I wish we shared the same view, so you could appreciate the vantage point I have when it comes to us. You saved me from myself, from self-destruction. You cared for me and somehow made me fall utterly in love with you. You helped me raise my daughter and helped me to find my own way. You placed your beauty in every corner of my life and have made it a better place in which to live. My world has changed. I have changed. I feel as though you have given me the ability to see what meaning life should hold, and I will always be forever grateful to you for it. More-so, Nat, you are my best friend, and as I sit, looking out at the horizon, with the sun beginning to dip beyond those trees, I think of us tomorrow, and it makes me giddy with joy. It was from the swing that I decided to write to you, my attempt to send you a piece of home and to send my love to you.

Nat, you make me do things I wouldn't normally do too! I feel inspired! Sitting here, thinking of you, of us, these words came to me, and I wrote them down. Sure, I know it's corny, but I've never sent a love poem to anyone, and I wanted to know what you thought…I guess I figured at the very least, your review would be the most gentle to my feelings.

Across the fields, beyond the sea-

Is where my true love will be.

Over the hill, around the bend-

Is where I shall, my love, send.

Rather I would die this day-

Than never hear your voice say-

Eternal is my joy this spring!

Let's us see what tomorrow brings!

Purple haze shrouds the sky-

We don't stop to question why-

Love, with two like us will grow-

You have my heart is all I know.

In life, these days feel like years-

Dreams easily overtake my fears-

I sleep and think of where you are-

Know, from you, my loves not far!

Sands will fall in the glass-

With each grain, time will pass-

Endlessly I'll wait for you-

Never wanting to say adieu.

You can tease me about this poem when you come home! Or better yet, try to outdo me! I would love another lover letter from you! Albeit from not so far away! Know also, that I know you well enough to be presumptive, which is why I chose to use smudge proof ink! Let there be no tears or smudges between us.

Em and I are sitting on the porch right now, ending what would be a perfect day if you were here with us. It rained last evening, a powerful storm with strong winds, lightning and thunder, but nothing at the farm appears to have been damaged by it. The grass appears to have grown four inches overnight. New green sprouts have found their way above the golden leaves, giving the field life again as it dances in the wind. I figured Rafe would be out to mow it, but I'm glad that he hasn't had the chance. It's so pretty! He's been spending a lot of time at the hardware store, working extra hours and hanging out with Frank. I'm keeping an eye on him, but he doesn't seem to need it. I looked for him tonight, here at the farm, but he stayed in town for the evening.

The rain also filled the pond out back to a new level, and Em saw three turtles basking on the log just along the bank where the cattails grow. She was so exited! Now she wants to go out every afternoon, after camp, to check on the turtles. I hope that you don't mind that I bring her to the farm. We both seem to find some comfort being able be around this place, thinking of you.

Emma loves you and misses you. She sulked the entire day when she learned that you had traveled to Japan. Then she asked when you would return. When I didn't know the answer to her questions, she sulked some more. I didn't have the heart to reveal your reason for going, but she seemed to sense that I was upset about it too. When we stood at the airport, I knew the risk I was taking, helping to send you off to your husband. I'm not sure how I feel about you being there with him, except that I know I miss you and I know that even if you were to return to him, I would still have a part of you in my heart.

Please don't misunderstand me, Nat. I want all of you. In my head I replay the gentle touch of your lips against my own, and I imagine it lasting longer, being deeper and being something we shared together. It sends me over the top, as I dream of giving in to your passion, kissing you in return, and exploring, no, discovering your body for the first time. I've been fantasizing about your return, about being with you and feeling you, holding you and lying with you. Nat, what have you done to me! You're all I think about these days; I'm so distracted! God knows, I've never been in love with another woman; I've never been in this position before, but I'm sure we'll figure it out together. My guess is that when you love someone, you do what you can to make them enjoy that love, as much as you enjoy it. I'm smiling now…

Oh Nat! The lightening bugs are calling you, sending signals into the darkened night to help you find your way home. The frogs are croaking in the pond, and there are a few birds on the wire singing gaily into the evening. And amid this twilight chorus of nature, this cacophony, Em has fallen asleep by my side. Our daughter's eyelids fell with the setting of the sun, and I fear I must end this letter and return to the Beacon.

Know that you are in my thoughts, and that I love and miss you.

Always! (another P & G product placement)

Yours,

Olivia

Natalia was swimming in emotion. Sipping the amaretto, and pouring another glass, she reread the letter over and over. Tears formed in her eyes as she thought of Olivia, pining for her from Springfield. She realized that it had taken a lot for her girlfriend to push her away and now she just began to realize the depth of the other woman. Who knew that Olivia could be so eloquent and poetic? Who knew that she was so deeply in love? Right at that moment Natalia wanted to reach across the Pacific Ocean and hold her friend. She wanted to return her love and reassure her that she felt the same way.

She stood up and walked to the bedroom with the intention of finding her phone and calling Olivia. The way she figured it, Olivia would probably just be ending her lunch break. But as she walked by the French doors, there was a loud knock on her hotel room door that stopped her in her tracks.

"Who could that be, at this hour?" she wondered. Still in the robe, she cinched the front and peered through the peephole.


	11. Chapter 11 The return

**Letter 14**

Gus had returned to Natalia's hotel room and was now loudly knocking on the door. "Natalia! I need to see you!" he shouted from the hallway.

Alarmed by his loud voice and the banging noise, Natalia frantically opened the door to let him into the room. "What's the matter Gus?" she asked. Then she commented on the time, "It's very late!"

It didn't seem to make any difference what time it was for Gus. When he left Natalia earlier, he had been confused and bewildered. Why had she acted so strangely? It seemed like half of her wanted him and half of her didn't want him. The half that wanted him was very sexual and warranted further investigation. She had kissed him in return, she had held on to him, and excited him. After their powerful kiss, Gus was sure that she would succumb to his advances. But the other half of the woman had asked him to leave, and this caused Gus to dwell upon the reason. She wanted to complete some paperwork. Who gives up hot, hot sex after being alone for a year for paperwork?

He had stopped off at the hotel bar, just beyond the lobby, after leaving her room and began drinking shots of whiskey. At first, he was looking for the real reason she turned him down, but after a few drinks, he was making up his own reasons. "Didn't she still have feelings for him? Or had she fallen in love with that prick, Frank? He had tried to reason with himself that she hadn't gone through with the marriage to Frank because she still loved him. But that was the reason she provided. Perhaps there was more to the story than she let on to him.

"I don't understand it," he started. "At one point in your life, you would have begged me to return, begged your husband to love you and our son, to make love to you. And tonight, nothing! What's going on with you?"

Natalia's face started to flush with anger; she wasn't sure what to tell him. "You've been gone for over a year and after a day you expect to jump into my bed with everything being alright? Well, everything is not alright!"

She had planned to ask him for an annulment or a divorce, if need be, but she didn't want to reveal anything about her relationship with Olivia just yet. That was something that could wait until later, when she had left Japan and when she returned to the states. She was beginning to see that they were very different people, so different that it would be impossible to stay married to him any longer.

"Look," she said, "can we discuss this tomorrow? I'm pretty tired. I'm still not used to this time zone, and you appear to be drunk. By tomorrow you'll have slept this off, and we can more easily speak to each other."

"I want to have it out right now," he slurred. "What's going on, Natalia? Are you that angry? You said, yourself that you forgave me. Were they just words?"

She brushed her bangs out of her eyes and curled her hair behind her ear. She then took a step back from him. "Gus, I'm not ready for you yet. And frankly, I think you better leave."

"Natalia," he implored a little louder, "You're my wife! We should be able to discuss what we need to right now! What's become of you?"

She began to turn as she replied, "Let me get some clothes on. I'll be right back," but as she moved away from him, towards the bedroom, he caught her arm and violently pulled her in for a kiss. She fought him at first, just like before, but again, he was so powerful that his strength was too much to overcome. His breath was laced heavily with whiskey, his body smelled of cologne, and his face was coarse with dark stubble. It scratched her as he sucked on her lips, seeking her to return the kiss to him. His tongue pried open her mouth and commanded her, and all she could do was surrender to him. He was too strong, and she was a little fearful of his current drunken and angry demeanor. With his one arm holding her upper back, his other hand sought her buttocks. Here, he pulled her closer to him, massaging her legs and rubbing her nether regions. His lips slipped down her neck as he pulled at her robe, and he began to move his mouth downward. Her collarbone was exposed, and soon his hot breath was upon it and making his way to her breast. Her robe fell to the ground as he began to suckle and gently nibble at her soft tissue. His hot breath on her chest was in complete contrast to the cool breeze that was entering the room from the French doors. She shivered, distracting him for a second, which caused him to notice the door ajar.

"Let's close this door," he motioned, as he moved with her towards the windows.

When he released his hold on her, she quickly ran to pick up her robe. As she made this motion, Gus noticed the letter sitting on the table, next to the love seat. "So! This is the important paper work you abandoned me for earlier!" He picked up the contents of the off white paper and inspected them. "Can't Frank let you go? You're another man's wife!"

"Gus, that's none of your business!" shouted Natalia, but he held the letter out of reach from her. "Don't read it! Please! Don't! It's personal!"

He pushed her away as he read. Again, she surrendered and stood some distance from him and allowed him to read the rest.

A realization was coming to Gus as he read the love letter. His face began to contort in wounded horror as he began to read her poem out loud. The letter was not from Frank! It was from Olivia! Olivia Spencer! How could this be? Olivia was a woman. At one time, Olivia had been in love with him. As he read and read each line it became more obvious that the letter had been a response to something that Natalia must have sent her. He looked up from the letter and stared at her.

"What's the meaning of this?" he demanded, "Is this some kind of joke? Are you and Olivia a lesbian couple?!"

Natalia had, by now, wrapped her naked body back in the robe and held her head in her hands. She rubbed her eyes and then her temples, feeling a possible headache in the near distance. "You weren't supposed to find out this way," she started, "I was hoping I wouldn't even have to tell you about us."

"Us?! You and Olivia???" Gus now backed a few steps away from her. "What are you talking about?"

Natalia took a deep breath and began to tell the incredulous Gus about how she had nursed Olivia back to health, how they had shared the farm, and grew to love each other. She said that it was difficult to leave Frank at the alter, but she was in love with the woman who had become her best friend. She noted that it had been hard on Rafe, and until Gus had come back from the dead, Rafe had accepted their relationship. She also noted that they were very serious, that she and Olivia had wanted to join their families into one home and they were looking toward the future. She commented that she was at peace with her decision to move in this direction and she hope that he would be too. When she was done, meekly she added, "I'll need an annulment or a divorce from you."

Gus stood aghast with his mouth wide open. He looked like he had been hit in the gut with a surprise left fist. "How could all of this have happened in less than a year?" he wondered out loud. "Here I was thinking I was going to have to beat the hell out of Frank, when actually I'll have to beat the hell out of Olivia!"

"Gus! If you try anything with her, I'll…" but she knew that anything she said would be an empty threat. What did she have to combat him?

He continued to read the rest of the letter, shaking his head as he did. "My God, if I had received a letter like this, I'd be in love with her too!" he finally smirked.

Just at that moment, the hotel phone began to ring. Both Gus and Natalia looked at it and then at each other. It was already after 2 am, a new day, which meant it was 2 pm in Springfield. Slowly, Natalia moved toward the phone to answer it.

Her face turned pale as she responded to the questions from the caller. She slowly lowered her body to the love seat, quaking as she did. "Is she going to be alright?" she asked in a hushed tone. Finally, she hung up the receiver and looked at Gus.

"That was Phillip," she said in a nearly inaudible voice, "Olivia has had a heart attack."


	12. Chapter 12 From here to there

**From here to there.**

In one moment, her world appeared to be crashing around her. Natalia sank into the love seat in complete horror. The blood drained from her face and she felt the weakest she had ever been without passing out. Could this really be happening? Just as they were starting out- could it end so suddenly? Her best friend, her lover, might be dying and she was on the other side of the world with Gus. Why had she left? Why was she there with him? She felt like a fly that had been lured into the digestive prison of a pitcher plant and was free falling into the pitfall trap below. "How do I get from here to there before she dies? How do I get to my Olivia?" she wondered.

Olivia had pushed her to Gus and now she, herself, needed Natalia. Her poor Olivia! A heart attack was serious, but Phillip had said that there were complications due to Olivia's weak heart. It wasn't wholly a heart attack, but a combination of heart attack and cardiac arrest. Her heart had blockage but there was also circulatory distress. She may have even had a stroke, but the doctors were not sure. She had been placed in the Intensive care unit, the ICU, and was not conscious. She was on life support, and she could die at any moment. The heart specialist from Ireland, who had repaired her heart nearly a year ago, was brought in from Chicago and was assessing the damage to his original work and was interpreting the new data.

Phillip told Natalia that his daughter, Emma, was with him, and when he tried to explain what was happening to her mother, the little girl did not seem to understand. She cried for her mother and cried for Natalia to return. The little girl was unconsolable and fraught with fear! Given their relationship, Phillip understood that Olivia would have wanted Natalia to be in the loop and know what was going on immediately, so he had called her as soon as he could get information on Olivia's condition.

He had also mentioned to Natalia that Rafe was the one who found Olivia, collapsed in the parking of the hardware store, where he had been working. If it hadn't been for Rafe acting quickly and getting her the care she needed, Olivia would have died. Natalia thought of this and began to cry. Her son, the man who wanted his father and mother to get back together, had saved her Olivia. She could envision her son catching Olivia and calling the paramedics. He was a hero! It occurred to Natalia that Olivia was probably checking up on her son, and that made her both warm and sad inside as well. The woman had kept her word; even though Rafe despised her, she made sure he had everything he needed, including his job. She had told Natalia before she left that she would watch over him as if her were her own child, no matter how much Rafe hated her. It was worth trying to show him that she cared. She cared for Natalia and for her son. What more could she do for him to help him see how deep her love was for the other woman and her family?

On the phone, Phillip told Natalia that she should get Gus to take her to the airport. He too had just found out about his brother' faked death and was shocked, but at this time, he was more concerned about Olivia than to inquire about his own kin. Natalia, he said, would need someone to think clearly and rationally for her. Phillip had already arranged for the fastest private jet money could fly, to transport her and Gus directly to Springfield. She could be by Olivia's side in a matter of nine to ten hours. But he had also noted that in that time, Olivia's heart could also give out. He wanted her to know the reality and gravity of the situation.

Gus, he noted, would be breaking international laws by traveling without a passport, but at least Natalia would have company on the plane that could comfort her and take care of her while she traveled. When she arrived in Springfield, a driver would be waiting for her to take her to the hospital.

He asked her if she understood what he was saying and if she was ok, because Natalia was so silent on her end of the phone. She said she understood. She said she couldn't believe it, but she just wanted to know if Olivia could live through such catastrophic heart failure. Phillip was unsure, but said that they could hope and pray for the best. He said that with Natalia by her side, Olivia might improve, and for his daughter's sake, he wanted that very much. He had loved Olivia at one time in the past and knew that she was someone worth loving and saving. She had turned out to be a wonderful mother who raised an extraordinary child, something neither of them, Olivia or Phillip, had expected. He didn't tell Natalia, because it sounded like something you would say when someone died, but he always admired Olivia, always thought she was sexy, beautiful, and intelligent.

When she had relayed all of this to Gus, she said they had to leave immediately. They could talk, if he wished, on the jet, but her mind and heart had always been true to the woman that was dying in Springfield. She made it clear that she never had any intentions of hurting him and she was sorry if she had hurt him. She truly did forgive him, but he was not going to be in her life as he had wanted to be. Natalia wanted freedom from him, so that she could be with Olivia. She only wished that he would work on his relationship with his son, Rafe.

On the way to the airport, Gus called Harley and told her what was happening and why he was temporarily leaving the country. He said that she might have to fix things in Japan upon his return, since US immigration officials might incarcerate him for how he tried to enter the states illegaly. He suspected that when they sent him back to Japan, there would be lots of red tape to cut, especially due to the heightened security related to the terrorist attacks in the US. He asked her to contact both Frank and Jeffery O'Neil, as they might be able to arrange a special visit with his son while he was there, either in prison or at the airport.

At the mention of Rafe, Natalia looked up and smiled slightly. She was thankful that Gus had thought of him and that he was going to try to see his son, even if he was in custody.

He didn't say anything about Olivia and Natalia being a couple, but the description he gave of Natalia being rushed to her best friend's side, her deathbed, was probably enough for Harley to possibly guess the truth. Harley had known that Natalia and Olivia were enemies just a year ago. To have Phillip fly Natalia around the world in an attempt to be by Olivia's side, while on her deathbed, would pique Harley's curiosity enough that she would probably call either Daisy or Frank to get the scoop.

Harley. Gus smiled to himself. He knew that particular woman better than any other woman in the world. She had been by his side in life and death, even when he decided to leave her; he couldn't seem to ever leave Harley. He always came back to her. He was amused how he didn't understand it, didn't see it. He had stayed faithful to his wife, Natalia, while another woman, the perfect woman, had been by his side the entire time. Isn't love blind? Gus started to meander in his thoughts between Natalia, who was crying in the seat next to him, to returning to Harley. He figured he would eventually return to Harley, he always did.

He held Natalia's hand on the train, and then again while seated on the jet, but he knew that neither she nor he, now, would ever want to be married to each other again. He would be there for her on this trip, and if she ever needed his help again, but he would fade from her life, while trying his hardest to be a good father and role model to his only child.


	13. Chapter 13 the haunted hero

This may require a little editing….I tried to finish it before the end of the day!

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Rafe sat by her bedside, pleading with her not to die. He didn't expect her to react so badly, and he certainly didn't mean for this to happen. Her breathing was occasional but steady, being pumped by external means, and there were tubes connected to her arm and fingers that fed into a heart monitor that beeped and buzzed throughout the night. The woman in the bed was pale in color, but at least her lips had changed back from the indigo color of death to a lighter shade of natural pink. Her hair was all mussed up, but pulled to the side in a pony tale by the nursing staff. Olivia Spencer was dying and Rafe, feeling very penitent, sat beside her with her daughter Emma, praying that she would not die. He asked God over and over to not to take her from her daughters and not take her from his mother.

It was true that he was the one to find her in the parking lot of the hardware store, and he was the one to call for paramedics, saving her life. But he was also the one who caused her to collapse in the first place. He thought back to what had happened and tears ran down his face. Why had he been so selfish? Why had he done this to her? He knew how her heart was weak! Damn it!

The weight of what he had done, only began to hit him when he confessed what transpired to Frank, who Rafe contacted soon after he called for paramedics. He began to tell Frank that he didn't mean for it to happen. They had an altercation, he said, that turned into something ugly, and Olivia collapsed because she was upset. Frank thought for two seconds and then said "You no good, lousy Fucker!" he hesitated and then continued, "You're over eighteen now, right?" When Rafe acknowledged that he had just turned nineteen last week, Frank immediately walloped the young man in the face, momentarily knocking him out and to the ground. Rafe fell back into the grass, and held his jaw when his consciousness roused. By the time he could make sense of what had happened, Frank had already peeled off in his cruiser with sirens screaming and lights ablaze; Frank made a bee-line to the hospital to check on the status of his friend.

Rafe immediately left his job and drove to the hospital himself. He purchased an Orange Crush (old P & G product placement) at the gift shop and placed it on his jaw where Frank had cold cocked him. He sat in the visiting room stewing for the first hour, waiting to hear Olivia's prognosis. Why had he taunted her? Why had he insulted her? The questions kept buzzing around in his head like irritating black flies that nip and bite at the soul.

When Phillip brought little Emma in to see her mother, Rafe heard the little girl wailing for both of their mothers. She was inconsolable, calling out for her mother, wanting to hear form her that everything was going to be alright. But things were far from being alright. He finally realized how awful the situation was- a little girl's mother was dying and he was the root cause. He realized that he was the lowest scum on the earth. He knew his mother loved Olivia and knew in the deep recesses of his heart that she was always going to be with her when she returned from Japan.

When Emma saw Rafe, she ran to him and held him like a sister would to a brother. They were more distantly related, but he had always thought of her as Olivia's little girl and not really his first cousin. In the visitor's room in the hospital, his status had changed to older brother and he clutched at the little girl with hope. He cried and cried like a baby and tried to assure her that everything would be ok. A box of Puffs facial tissues (P & G product placement) sat on the table next to them, and he grabbed a few to help wipe away their tears.

He thought of Bambi and how Bambi's mother had died, and it tore his heart apart that he was responsible for Olivia in her present state. He would be there for this little girl; he was bound to her now. He suggested that they seek comfort in God by going to the chapel to pray, knowing that is what his mother would do too. It seemed like a good idea to remove Emma from the confusion of the ICU and help her cope with her fears and sorrow.

In the Chapel, Frank found him praying to God to save Olivia's life. His face was angry at the young man. "You damn well better pray that she lives," he said.

Quietly, so that the little girl next to him wouldn't hear, Rafe replied, "I didn't mean it to happen. I didn't know she would…" but his voice trailed off.

Frank shook his head dissatisfied with the answer, "Don't you get it? Your mother loves her! She doesn't love me! She doesn't love your dad. She chose Olivia and she will always choose Olivia over us. Those two women have something that none of men in their lives could ever give them. They were best friends that found some way to love each other." In a lower voice he continued, "I was once in love with Olivia, but I was never able to be her best friend. I loved your mother too, but she never let me in to her life. Even your father loved both women, and he was never able to bridge that gap. You have to buck up and face the fact that that woman in there is in your mother's heart now and for always." Finally he said, "I can't imagine how Natalia will react when she sees Olivia in that hospital bed. You better hope she doesn't find out what you did to her."

The thought of Olivia falling to the ground haunted him and he replayed the altercation in his head over and over. He had found her in the parking lot, checking up on him. She said she stopped to buy some Duracell batteries (P & G product placement); she liked them because they lasted so long, but Rafe knew she was lying. He told her to go home, back to her whorehouse hotel. He told her to leave his mother alone, that she was fine without Olivia. He said his father would never grant a divorce and that Olivia would never be with his mother again. Gus would find a way to stop her from distracting and bewitching his mother. He was indignant and crude, calling her a lesbian whore who had to sleep with everyone. "HOlivia!" he yelled at her. "Isn't it enough that you've had every man in Springfield? Now you're moving on to the women? Leave my mother alone, you lesbian whore!"

He was feeling that he had the upper hand, that this woman wasn't fighting back, but then he realized that she had become pale as a ghost and was shaking, clutching her arm and writhing quietly in shocked pain. His cell phone was in his pocket, and he called 911. As soon as he finished the call, he caught her before she collapsed to the ground. He began to apologize, but she wasn't listening to him. She was trying to tell him something…perhaps her last words to be uttered on Earth.

Olivia was begging for help, knowing that her heart was malfunctioning. She was crying in pain as her heart palpitated and contorted in her chest. Her lips turned blue and her face was grey. The woman was dying. He started to think of doing CPR but wasn't sure where to start. She clenched his arm with her weakening hand and with tears in her eyes pleaded for him to somehow conjure Emma and Ava. Before she lost consciousness she also uttered Nat, her eyes pleading at him to contact her, to tell her that her dying thoughts were of the women in her life.

A cold bolt of guilt ran through his spine as he realized that her dying wish was to have her daughters and his mother by her side. He felt helpless. He felt alone. Finally after what seemed like a lifetime, the ambulance and help had arrived. They immediately began to work on her and rushed off with their red lights and sirens blasting the alarm of emergency.

Rafe felt scared and feared he had killed her. He knew if his mother ever learned the truth she would never forgive him. Olivia, he knew, had her love. Natalia hadn't told him that, but he knew she was in love with the other woman. He knew that the deception his father had been too great. "God how I wish this had never happened!" he cried.

Frank brought his mind back to the chapel by saying, "If you want to press charges…go ahead….I was out of line…"

But Rafe was content to live with the small black and blue mark that was developing on his swollen chin. "No, I was way out of line. You made me realize how ridiculous I have been…" was all he said.

Frank was now thinking only of the living. He knew that if Olivia died, Rafe would never be able to live with himself. "Why don't you visit with her," he offered. "They say that patients in this state can hear people when they talk. You might feel better if you apologize to her….They say her eyes have opened on occasion…and that she has made some responses…" but, he hesitated, "she's far from being out of danger."

Rafe looked at the little girl next to him and his heart melted. "Want to go visit your mom with me?" he asked. And with that, the pair walked back to the ICU to visit Olivia.


	14. Chapter 14 Come back to me

This may require some editing…I rushed to add this chapter…

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Rafe sat on the side of the bed with Emma, and they took turns holding Olivia's hand. As they did this, Olivia's friends began to show up at the hospital and were informed of what was happening. Upon Frank's request, Phillip stopped by the room and asked Emma to come into the hall so that Rafe might have a few minutes alone with the woman on the bed.

At first Rafe just sat quietly, tearing up, not knowing what to say to her. He thought of his own mother and how it would feel to be sitting in front of her. He felt an overwhelming urge to die right there, himself. Picturing his own mother on life support made tears roll down his cheeks, but using his tee shirt, he mopped them up, sniffling as he did. "What would his mother do or say at moment like this?" he wondered. His mother was a saint, it seemed, and she would always do what was right. This thought of her made him reach for Olivia's hand and gently hold it in his own. He moved closer to her and spoke quietly so that only she could hear him.

"Olivia. Olivia, it's Rafe. Please forgive me. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean for you to…I wanted to hurt you because I didn't want you to be with my mother, but Olivia, I was wrong. There's nothing more in this world that I would like now than for you to get well and return to my mother, to my mom and to Emma and to Ava. I behaved terribly, and I see now what you meant to her." The heart monitor jumped a few beats indicating that her pulse had risen. Rafe continued, seeing this as an incentive. "Please forgive me. I don't want you to die. I didn't mean what I said. At times I get so angry! Nothing in my life has ever seemed to work out the way I want, and I took out all of my frustration on you. Please don't leave your little girl. Please. Please come back. My Ma needs you," and then he began to cry like a little boy.

He leaned his head on her hand and tears rolled from his cheeks to her fingers. As he cried, her pulse on the monitor began to quicken again, beeping slightly faster, and her fingers began to twitch a little, causing Rafe to lift his head and look at her face. Olivia's head had tilted in his direction, and he could see that she was struggling to open her eyes. For a brief moment, their eyes locked, hers green and his brown. No words were needed to understand the exchange between the two; the young man knew she had forgiven him. Tears flowed more as he squeezed her hand and encouraged her to get better.

"Olivia! Olivia! Stay with us! Keep your eyes open! She's awake! She's awake! She's awake!" he shouted.

The commotion he stirred caused the family outside to quickly enter the room. Ava had just arrived and was still hugging her little sister when she heard his shouting. She ran to the bedside, still grasping the little girl's hand and asked Rafe what was going on. Emma, feeling a new surge of hope, rushed to her mother's side and reclaimed her hand.

A nurse entered and began to check the monitor, also asking what had happened.

Rafe told them that Olivia's eyes had opened, her head had moved and her fingers twitched, but as they all looked at the woman on the bed, they saw that she was once again lying unanimated and unconscious with her eyes closed. Her pulse was the steady, slow beep that registered on the monitor.

"The doctor," Ava began, tears running down her face, "just told us outside that she may never recover from this heart trauma." Her grief weighed on Rafe, and he pulled her in for a hug.

"I'm sorry," he said to her, "but I still have a feeling in my chest like she's going to pull through. I feel this hope. I just wish everyone else could feel it."

The smallest child jumped up and down frustrated by hearing contrasting things. She had just been told that her mother was going to sleep forever, like sleeping beauty, but she also was told that sometimes people pull through these things and recover because they have the will. They fight to live. She had depicted in her mind, a handsome prince arriving, kissing her mother, and causing her to heal from her ailments. Her world experience by the age of nine was tied to Disney movies featuring little princesses with happy endings and that's what she was expecting. She was told that Natalia was on her way home and in her mind, the fairy tale was about to reach it's climax. "She's got to live! She's got to live!" she exclaimed.

Rafe's exciting moment caused the three of them to sit with Olivia, holding vigil for hours. They waited, hopeful of more indications that Olivia was going to live, and anticipating Natalia's arrival at the hospital. It seemed like long ago since Olivia had been first brought to the hospital and the doctors and nursing staff had assured them that these things took lots of time. The heart was a difficult organ to heal and her heart might not be strong enough to heal. Each of her children, including Rafe, who was accepted as one of the children, took turns by the bedside, not wanting to leave, holding her hand, and wanting to be present when Olivia woke.

"There's something about hope," Doris said in the next room, "that allows us to endure the most difficult days of our lives."

Frank agreed. "She's lucky to have so many people care for her. I hope she is aware of everyone in that room and that so many people love her. If only love could give her a reason to live."

Reva joined them, thinking they were discussing Olivia's prognosis. When she was told about the most recent EKG results, she gasped. "Only love can save the world," she said, "hold close the ones that love you have and pray that you can fight in the end."

Doris nodded to her and then turned to Frank. "I chartered a chopper to pick Natalia up at the airport. They'll drop her on the heliopad on the top of the building. It will be faster this way, a four minute trip instead of a forty minute drive."

"Good thinking. Her plane should be arriving anytime now," he replied.

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Rosemary Clooney's song "For all we know" is playing in the background…If you're not familiar with this song, YOU MUST PLAY IT BEFORE READING THIS PASSAGE…

Natalia wipes some tears away as she enters the Beacon lounge. There sits Olivia in her red dress, in the most alluring pose possible. She raises a snifter glass to Natalia and takes a small sip, then points to another glass on the bar and smiles, beckoning her to join her.

"_For all we know, we may never meet again._

_Before you go, make this moment sweet again"_

Natalia walks to the bar and hugs and kisses her friend, glad that she's alive. She holds her face in her hands, smiling at her. "My god! I was so worried about you! Thank goodness you're ok!"

"_We won't say goodbye, until the last minute._

_I'll hold out my hand, and my heart will be in it"_

She looks into Olivia's eyes and the background changes, to where they are naked in a bed, kissing each other, ecstatic and passionate! Natalia finds herself moaning with pleasure as her friend, her lover, explores her body. When they finish, both are panting from being out of breath. Olivia brushes away Natalia's hair from her eyes, smiling as she makes the gesture and says "I love you". She is leaning on her one arm, the sunlight hitting her backside. She is easily the sexiest woman alive.

"_For all we know, this may only be a dream_

_We come and go, like a ripple on a stream"_

Natalia blushes and looks away momentarily, only to return her gaze to Olivia's back. They are on the gazebo. Natalia is smiling at her happy that they have finally been with each other. She walks up to her, standing side by side overlooking the park and Olivia turns to her. Her hand strokes Natalia's face, but Olivia's eyes are sad and beginning to well up in tears.

"_So love me tonight, tomorrow was made or some_

_Tomorrow may never come, for all we know"_

Tears begin to fall down Natalia's cheek as she begins to realize that she's dreaming a lucid dream. She feels alive and everything seems so real. Oddly, she's aware that it's a dream and yet she's still sleeping. Wanting the moment to last, she reaches out to hold Olivia, but just as she does, she wakes from her dream to the pilot informing them that they are about to make their final approach to the landing.

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Her eyes were red and swollen, and she was exhausted from the long flight. She was overwhelmed and made weary by all of the emotion, all of the travel, and the frustration of feeling so helpless. Josh rode with her in the helicopter and informed her of Olivia's prognosis. He had been sent by Doris, as a former minster to help Natalia cope with what she was about to see and experience.

There wasn't any hope for Olivia, and everyone, including Natalia, knew it. She didn't have to even see Olivia to know that the woman was gone; she felt, in her heart, that her friend had already died and the reality of that feeling was true. Olivia's EKG had showed no brain activity. She was being kept alive with life support solely for the potential of harvesting any of her good organs that might be useful to others. She was also being kept alive so that Natalia could say goodbye. Everyone knew it, and everyone waited hushed sadness for her to arrive.

It was crushing, to think that this beautiful woman was already dead and that her pulse, a little blip on the monitor that now occurred every few seconds was really an artifice. A few hours ago she had been vibrant and happy. Now she lay, lifeless, except for the occasional breath a machine took for her.

Tears flowed down Natalia's cheeks as she anticipated saying goodbye to her best friend. Still, the strong feeling of hope welled in her, alive with the strength of a zillion neurons. She wanted Olivia to live. She wanted her to wake up and even joke that she tried to fake her death too. "Wouldn't that be just like her?" though Natalia to herself. Her chest ached, and her body was numb. She felt so helpless and tired. No amount of words, no amount of money, no amount of love could find it's way to bring Olivia back, and Natalia just wanted to fade with her into the night.

When Natalia reached the hospital bed she gasped. All of the monitors, all of the equipment keeping her Olivia alive…It was an overload on her system, as she took in her and Olivia's family surrounding the hospital bed. As she entered the hospital room, she found Ava and Emma at her bedside devoid of tears but with puffy red faces. They were nearly dehydrated and unable to cry anymore. Ava held her little sister, who was shaking uncontrollably. At the very foot of the bed sat Rafe, who stood up as he saw his mother enter the room.

"Ma" was all he could say. He had tears running down his face.

Natalia walked to the young man and hugged him and then turned to the girls. "I'm so sorry." Was all she said as they hugged and held each other. Everyone respected Natalia, by greeting her and then hastily leaving the room to give her a moment with Olivia.

She thought back to the last words she ever said to her. "I'm not saying goodbye!" she uttered again. She placed Olivia's hand to her own face and gently weeped. "Come back to me," she whispered.

For Olivia, the day was finished. She died with her family and friends around her when the life support was removed. She was surrounded by the people who cared for her most, who loved and cherished her, and when it came right down to it, they were the proof that she had lived a life worth living. That's how it is in life. You make the most of it and whatever happens, happens….

For her, the end finally arrived in pulling the plug on her breathing apparatus, just like P & G had pulled the plug on the soap Guiding Light, allowing it to asphyxiate and fade from our consciousness.


	15. Chapter 15 Dear Readers Bohena's letter

Dear Readers,

The fat lady hasn't begun to sing yet….but she's starting to warm up…

After reading my complete work last night, I found it to be utter crap. I was appalled by the poor quality of my writing and worse yet, when I surrendered the complete printout to a neighbor friend, I was embarrassed. She had never watched soaps, so I gave her a brief history for Guiding Light's storyline of "Notalia". Needless to say, she laughed at how outrageous it was and even poked fun of my writing as we spoke. The print out was a whopping forty-three pages long, and I'm sure, given her fun-filled, exciting social life, she'll have read by this evening. I'm also sure, I'll have lots of criticism waiting for me tomorrow when we meet. This lady is sharp, irreverent, witty, and pretty damn cool, which is why I'm actually looking forward to a lot of this criticism. She doesn't care about the Notalia couple, and I find her disconnection appealing.

I read to her some of your suggestions for an ending to the story. Most of you are hopeful for a dream scenario, and that was kind of the direction I had planned, but I hate predictability and worse yet, I hate being told what to do. My neighbor has already made a few suggestions (sans reading "The Letter") and I must admit, you might prefer Olivia dead, rather than having her in these situations. But since she's being so helpful and is willing to take the heat for the ending, I'm going to work with her to produce the last chapter (?- hopefully) within the next few days. Though I have a new scenario in my mind, we'll see what my neighbor thinks and move from there…

I was content to have Olivia die. It's just a story…just fiction…and for a soap, it's called drama.


End file.
